After a few days of working, I was able to have two and half days all to myself, which is personally very stressful because I usually want to do and see EVERYTHING and two days is not that much time. So, I decided to get up at like 5:00 am every day, both to go to the gym and sweat out my croissant weight, and to maximize my “seein’ Dublin” time. The first day was jam-packered with stuff.
First, a work colleague of mine who is from Ireland decided to take me for brunch in a neighboring town called Monkstown. We went to “Salt”, this restaurant/marketplace thing, which is part of this chain of food and store marketplaces called “Avoca“. Apparently there was this old abandoned mill in Ireland that someone bought, and they decided to re-open the mill and sell throws and rugs, then there was like, some woman there who started making food with local Irish ingredients, then they released a bunch of cookbooks, then it exploded into an National phenomenon.
Since I was on a strict “Don’t Be Fat” diet, I got the yogurt and fruit. It was preeettty delicious. I have no idea what those red fruits halves that are filled with weird egg-sperms. Do you know what they are? They were really sweet for things that look like sperms.
We then went for a quick walk, but it was rushed because I was cold and we had to get back to Dublin in time for my VIP GUINNESS TOUR. Ballin’ large, what.
After my delicious brunch I met up with my friend Amanda who flew in from London like a bad-ass to hang out with me for two days in Dublin. First stop – a VIP tour of the Guinness Storehouse. Not sure if I mentioned, but it was a VIP (Very Important Person) tour. Due to my importance as a person.
First, a free lunch at a Guinness restaurant, a GIFT BAG containing MOUSE PAD AND SHOT GLASS, then a personal tour of the whole storehouse.
One of the most interesting parts of the tour was the advertising hall, which had tons of old ads and bottles and bottle openers and stuff like that.
Did you know that Guinness had this publicity stunt in 1959 on their 200th birthday and dumped 150,000 bottles in the Atlantic ocean with a numbered scroll in them for a free beer? They are still being found today, as far away as Australia.
Did you know that doctors used to recommend Guinness to pregnant women as a tonic?
I told our guide Aaron that I KNEW SOMETHING about Guinness that HE did not – that you can apparently live for 7 years on Guinness alone.
Aaron told me, no no, stupid Canadian girl, that is stupid and whoever told me that is an idiot.
This is our tour guide, Aaron. He was awesome. Here he is getting us some Guinness for our personal tasting.
Then a trip to learn how to pour the perfect Guinness. It’s serious business, just so you know. There are six steps and all of them result in waiting longer to chug your beer.
Then we got our certificates for “Perfect Pours”, and walked our beers up to the Gravity Bar where we overlooked all of Dublin like ballers.
But wait, before that, Aaron took us to a “private VIP experience” at the “Guinness Beer Connoisseur Bar“, which is like really hard to get access to or something like that. He said it was “the most exclusive bar in Ireland”, and since we are VIPs, that makes sense.
An interesting discovery while we were overlooking Dublin. There is some tower with a green roof that is called “St. Patrick’s Tower”. The reason I bring it up is because it looks like a penis with a boob on top. That is all.
After the Guinness tour, we were itching to go to a pub and drink. We had a few recommendations from friends who were actually Irish, as we wanted to hang out in more “local places”, like every tourist wants to. We asked our cab driver about them and he sent us in the right direction to Kehoe’s, which was very local even though it was so close to Grafton Street. He also told us to ”get rid of dem Guinness Storehouse bags unless ya want to be robbed.” Which was sound advice.
The place got crowded *really* fast with the after work crowd, and there were a lot of guys in suits and stuff. The bar was really fun and it felt like we were just hanging out enjoying life.
One man became very friendly with us and spent the good part of an hour talking to us about Irish things including how drinking Guinness makes you go to the bathroom weird. His name was Dave and he happened to mention several times that he was divorced.
Pay no attention to my potato nose in the following images:
The plan was to go back to the hotel, change, then go out to a couple of bars, but I was so tired (drunk) that I felt like throwing up. So we pretty much crashed that night. Tomorrow we drink several more beers in different locations. It will be riveting.