I learned two things from watching the Pixar film “Ratatouille“.
- American Airlines only shows animated films that are child-appropriate during 8 hour flights to California, and the version of, say, Ratatouille that they chose to purchase must be so old and over-used that both the picture and sound are almost indecipherable.
- Apparently it is really really hard to make good ratatouille.
So when I read a recipe for Ratatouille in the LA Times (because I read the LA Times, due to my super high-brow fanciness. Or I found the link to the recipe on Flipboard.), I decided to get ma shit together and try to make it. GOOD. MAKE IT GOOD.
Ok, so apparently, when you make things good, you have to like spend a whole bunch of time and effort on things. You can’t just dump a whole bunch of junk into a pan then go listen to records. Le boo.
I decided to prep everything first. Prepping things took a long time.
First you have to “soak the zucchinis” for 30 minutes. Why? There is no rationale provided for why you have to soak the zucchinis. I even googled “why soak zucchinis” and was not satisfied by any of the responses. And yet, I had decided to follow all instructions, so I soaked them.
Ha ha ha ha. They look like dongs.
Then you have to peel and “seed” all the tomatoes. I have never peeled a tomato in my life. It sucks. Like, seriously sucks. They flop and slip all over your hands, and say hypothetically if you had cut your hand on a beer glass two days ago, the acidity from the tomatoes would BURN YOUR HANDS like the burn of burning burning acid.
ANYways. You have to peel and seed the tomatoes, soak the zucchinis, cut them, peel and cut the eggplant, cut up the onions, mince the garlic, chop the peppers, and chop all of the herbs (I chose
barley basil, parsley, and thyme).
Here is my chef station. I’m pretty serious, just so you know:
Ok, so now that you have everything ready, you have to sautee everything INDIVIDUALLY. Again, you can’t just dump everything into a pan then go listen to records.
Sautee them onions.
Eggplant soaks up oil like nobody’s business.
…then the peppers…
…oh yeah, that soaked zucchini.
And that peeled, seeded tomato mush.
Ok, now that it’s been like seventeen hours and you want to shoot yourself in the face, it’s time to put all the individually sauteed vegetables and throw them into a big pot and let it simmer. Then throw in your herbs.
Time to eat.
Hate to say it.
It was really really good. Like really good.
I’m pretty amazing.