I Went to a Cottage. Part Two.
After a day of fishing, swimming, screaming, and gorging ourselves on food, it seemed fitting to blow up a bunch of expensive fireworks into the bowels of nature. So some of the boys decided to let their wieners hang low and set up a handy “setting off explosives” area at the end of the dock, right next to the gas tanks in the two boats.
We had a choice between the “$85.00″ fireworks and the “$250.00″ fireworks at Costco, and being reasonable people who aren’t rich Kings of Siam, we decided to go with the $85.00 ones. These ones were HUGE and lasted like ONE HOUR and we still didn’t get through them all (due to a brush with death-by-fireworks, we decided to stop).
And then, as is inevitable when blowing up fireworks, there was the one firework that went horribly wrong, almost killed everybody, and blew up a big planter at the end of the deck.
Fortunately, the only scars from the incident were of the “emotional” and “wiener-deflating” kind. Thankfully, we had the “smaller fireworks bonanza” package from Costco. I can only imagine the number of limbs that have been lost as a result of the $250.00 Costco fireworks package.
Fast forward to the next day, where we had some EXCITING ADVENTURES planned for Molly.
Being a city dog, Molly is not used to having free reign in the wilderness. So my fear is that she would run off, get killed for fun by a pack of small wild rats, and never be seen again. However, I wanted to give her some liberty to enjoy herself in the backwoods. She is a fucking dog after all.
So I got all amped up to have her swim in the lake.
NOW. To preface this next photo, I want to emphasize three things:
- According to my intensive Internet research, snub-nosed dogs don’t swim very well because they have trouble breathing AND it’s hard for them to keep their stump-snouts out of the water.
- Molly had never really swam before.
- I am a crazy person.
SO I BOUGHT HER A LIFEJACKET. OK?
YES. Get all your making-fun-of-me-ness out. Although I’m sure she could have swam without it, I know she would be labouring, and we were all drinking… and I was just being careful ok? OK? LAY OFF ALREADY.
Anyways. HOW CUTE IS THIS SHIT:
YEAH PRETTY CUTE. Who’s making fun of dog life jackets now, you heartless asshole???
Anyways. She was not exactly *loving* the water, so we gave her a few toots in there and she ended up just pooping out on the pontoon boat for the rest of the day with Cece.
That night, another huge, delicious pasta meal. Sausage and peppers what. I literally (like, I weighed myself before and after) gained ten pounds eating all the food this weekend.
After we ate so much that we all almost threw up, we decided to play a game.
The game was called “The Game of Things”.
At first, we were all apprehensive about The Game of Things.
But then we starting playing The Game of Things.
Essentially, there are a bunch of cards. On each of the cards, it asks you to write down a “thing”.
For example, it might ask you “Things that you shouldn’t say to a police officer”… or “Things that make you feel young”… or “Things that you wish existed but don’t.”
Then, everyone secretly writes down their response, they are given to someone who reads them all out. Then you all have to guess who said what.
As you can imagine, with a group of drunk adults playing this game… things got a little out of hand.
The game got understandably competitive.
By the end of the night, most answers contained the words “blow-job machine”.
So all in all, it was a good night.
The next day, we left.
Everyone was exhausted.
Especially Molly the Adventure Dog.