So, on Saturday, I took Stinky Molly on a big long walk to the old ‘hood in Trinity and picked up some dog food and treats and other things along the way, like a responsible dog-mother-type person. 

Not very exciting, but I have to set the scene here.

Anyways, so I’m walking down the street, Molly in one hand, and a big, heavy bag of dog food in the other… excited to get home and finish the last book in The Hunger Games while sitting by myself with a cup of ginger green tea like the coolest chick on Earth.

Suddenly a baby squirrel runs across the street straight towards me and Molly.  Here is an artist’s rendition:

So then, Molly tries to eat it, and the squirrel freaks out, and decides to CRAWL UP THE BACK OF MY LEG to get away from Molly.  So in one hand, I have my dog trying to eat a squirrel, and in the other hand, I have a bag of heavy food and stuff, and there’s a baby squirrel climbing up the back of my leg.  I didn’t know what to do, and some chicks happened to walk by, so I politely asked for their assistance.  Here is an artist’s rendition:

The girls politely take Molly for a second to make sure she does not kill the baby squirrel.  Then I literally climbs into my arms and snuggles up.  Fucking SQUIRREL WHISPERER.

He was pretty adorable.  This is him hanging out on my hand.

I had no idea what to do with him… he didn’t want to leave my hand… and I didn’t just want to like, chuck him in the bushes like a heartless shithead, so I decided to take him to the vet down the street to see what do to. 

Fortunately, Pam and Francesco were in the process of calling me to drop by, so I solicited Pam’s help as baby squirrel transporter while I dropped Molly off and we headed to the vet. 

Here he is trying to nibble on her finger:

Apparently, this kind of thing happens all the time.  Enough that there is a pamphlet manufactured about it.

Basically, it says to put the baby in a box that is medium-depth and leave him… he’ll either wait for his mom, or climb out on his own.  If he climbs out, he’s fine – if his mom finds him, he’s fine.  So we found a box and an old t-shirt and set him all up:

I came back after 20 minutes and the box was empty .  Baby Squirrely was back in the wild of downtown Parkdale.  Or so I thought.

Later that night, my neighbour stopped me and said “OH MY GOD I have to tell you a story”…

Apparently Mr. Baby Squirrel just left my front garden when he heard the neighbour’s kids next door, ran over to them, climbed right up them, and snuggled back into human arms.  She took him in and gave him a hot water bottle for warmth and some bread.

Soooooooooooooooooo, I’m pretty sure our housing complex now has a baby squirrel pet.  That cute little fucker isn’t going anywhere.