So.  I am admittedly a slave to the trends.  I really really like rompers.  Even though everyone has them and all the stores have them and they’re pretty much on the way out.  I still love ‘em.  

ANYhoo.  Despite my love for rompers, I’ve found that it’s really, really, really hard to find a romper that: a) Isn’t totally ridiculous-looking, and b)  Doesn’t make me look like an overgrown fat baby.

So I decided to perform an analysis of my current rompers to determine their wearability.  Here are my evaluation categories (scored on a 10 point scale):

1. Old Lady Factor - this is the degree to which an old lady would see this romper at Nothern Reflections and say “My!  What a practical outfit!”  High scores for NON old-lady-ness.
2. Low/High Crotch  – each romper has a different crotch-to-waist ratio.  Sometimes the crotch is too low (and I look like I’m wearing diapers) and sometimes it’s too high (and it’s VERY UNCOMFORTABLE).  Highest scores for most comfortable crotch positioning.
3. Where Can I Wear This Thing? – Let’s be honest.  Rompers are not very wearable.  Some less than others.  Two points for every place I can think to wear it.
4. General Ugliness – Is this just thing cutting-edge or just plain ugly?  Higher points for less uggs.

Sigh.  Let’s get started…

1. 80′s Figure-Skater Romper

Summary: This denim-esque romper looked pretty cute in the store, and I though I was being PRETTY cool when I walked up to the cash and bought it.  It’s been sitting in my closet waiting for the next Saved by the Bell Convention.
Old Lady Factor: 3 (them old ladies love the balloon-y shorts…)
Low/High Crotch:  7 ( the balloon-y shorts help…)
Where Can I Wear This Thing: Shopping for other rompers, Saved By the Bell Convention. 4 points.
General Ugliness: 6.  It’s pretty ugly.

Overall Score: 20/40

Ridiculous Strapless Sweetheart Romper:

Summary: Yeah.  So I saw a server at Czehoski wearing this outfit one night and she looked awesome.  Then I went out and bought it the next day.  Again, SEEMED like a really good idea… but where do I wear this thing?
Old Lady Factor: 7 (strapless top makes old ladies feel like a hussy)
Low/High Crotch:  6
Where Can I Wear This Thing: For that unique party that requires”formal on top, party on the bottom” outfit, and drinking at Czehoski…  As long as that server isn’t wearing it that day. 4 points.
General Ugliness: 6

Overall Score: 24/40

Miami Vice Silk Striped Romper:

Summary: I thought that the silk fabric made this somewhat “fancy”.  And it has sleeves so I can wear it more often… right?  Look at that hideous crack-whore bruise on my leg.  Gross.
Old Lady Factor: 2 (yeah.  Old ladies would love this shit)
Low/High Crotch:  10 (excellent crotch positioning)
Where Can I Wear This Thing: Walking down Rodeo Drive in 1978, Arty Hipster Garden Party.  4 points.
General Ugliness: 8

Overall Score: 24/40

80′s Hot Pink Striped Romper:

Summary: Bought this HOT SHIT at The Chosen Ones (we’ll be showing a rack there this weekend, come!) without even trying it on.  I swear I had this exact romper when I was 8 years old.
Old Lady Factor: 6 (some old ladies would lust after this bad boy)
Low/High Crotch:  1 (HORRIBLE CROTCH POSITIONING)
Where Can I Wear This Thing: Vintage Clothing Sale, going back in time with my time machine to warn my 8-year-old self not to get that horrible, horrible “short hair” haircut that I had when I was 9 years old.  4 points.
General Ugliness: 8

Overall Score: 19/40

Dress-Shirt Romper:

Summary: My first romper purchase last year at H&M.
Old Lady Factor: 6
Low/High Crotch:  10
Where Can I Wear This Thing: Weekend trip to the Island, walking down Queen, dinner or lunch on a patio, Shoebox Vintage sale, riding my bike across town. 10 points.
General Ugliness: 9

Overall Score: 35/40
WINNER!!!!