There are a few “secret items” that will make a gigantic difference in decorating your place.  I have recently discovered them.

1. Rugs (I’ll tell you more about that at a later date)
2. Plants

 YOU’RE WELCOME.

So, I have constantly had a problem with the second item on this list, mostly because every single plant I’ve ever owned has died a horrible, horrible Natalie-induced death.  It has always been unintentional… and it didn’t used to be this way…

…because when I was in Grade Five, I was included in a super exclusive club called “The Green Growers”.  Basically, there was this Grade Four teacher that was one of those teachers who was a total hard-ass and really demanding, but who ended up being your favourite teacher… you know the type. All I remember from my first day in Grade Four was when he yelled ”I don’t want to see you guys doodling any CRAP on your NOTEBOOKS!“, then he slammed the pile of notebooks against his desk.  When you’re in Grade Four and your teacher says “CRAP” really loudly and slams notebooks on his desk, you become sure that the world will collapse.

But anyways, after the year was over, he would “hand-pick” a group of about 10 students from the Grade Four class, and they would all get a big manila envelope.  Inside the manila envelope was a hand-written invitation to “The Green Growers” club.  He would clearly just pick the super-smart kids who weren’t trouble-making assholes to the club.  So basically it was a Grade-Five nerd-club.  So I fit right in.

ANYWAYS, in “The Green Growers”, we stayed in during lunch once a week and we would plant a new plant (yes, it was quite nerdly, indeed).  The plants that I planted in “The Green Growers” ALL survived.  In fact, my mother still has about four of them at her place and they are now fucking huge monster plants.  Like, they look like they could suffocate a human baby they are so big and full.

But… ever since the last “Green Growers” meeting, where I planted a beautiful pink polka-dot plant, which later grew into a fucking 4-foot big pink polka-dot bush, I have been completely and totally unable to grow plants.

Usually, this is what happens:

1. Water it and put it in some window without paying attention to whether it should be in the sun or shade or whatever.
2. Forget to water it for 3 weeks.
3. Remember that I should have watered it and then freak out and totally over-water it so that the roots are sitting in rotted soil-water for days.
4. The plant starts to die then I freak out and water it even more, making the gross rotting-root situation even worse.
5. Realize that the plant is probably going to die, but instead of throwing it out, I leave it on the window sill, never water it again, and watch it die a slow and painful death.

Then Kelsey bought me a money-tree for my housewarming party.  And 1.5 months later, it was still beautiful and THRIVING.  I think it is because Money Tree plants fall under the “So-Easy-To-Grow-That-A-Fucking-Idiot-Could-Handle-It” genus of plant.

HA HA!  So on the weekend I decided to completely outfit my house with plants that fit my new “So-Easy-To-Grow-That-A-Fucking-Idiot-Could-Handle-It” criteria.

1. Mother-in-Law’s Tongue

Yes, that is the name of this plant.  Apparently, they are really easy to grow.  I transplanted it from a different pot, though, and it all like, crumbled apart in my hands and when I transplanted it, it was all falling over.  So then I used some neon cord to tie her up.  SHE IS SO ARTY NOW.

Look how majestic Molly looks with my neon-corded plant in the background.  It’s all coming together.

2. Cacti

I have wanted to make some cactus terrariums for a while.  Also, cacti are apparently easy as pie to not-kill.  All I had to do was find some big, low, glass containers.  I found three at goodwill for like 3-5 bucks each.  Then I bought some river rocks from the dollar store (apparently putting damn rocks at the bottom of your planter prevents soil-root-rot death), and some soil.  Then I went to home depot and bought whatever cactuses they had.

Then I terraried them up all up.

LOOK AT MY PLANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like such an adult.  Adult-slash-Grade-Five-Green-Grower.