Tales of Cali Nat: Burrito Stained Night
As mentioned in my previous post. I was pretty drunk by the afternoon on Saturday. Drunk enough that a visit to the corner store resulted in a bunch of random pictures about things that apparently made me laugh. Here are things that I find funny when I’m drunk:
After tidying up a little bit and sobering up, we headed over to a bar in the area where my pal DJ Benny C was spinning some siiiiiick siiiiiiiick bheeeeats. It was a video-DJ thang, which made things a little more fun. I believe this is Chevy Chase playing the fife:
He did a great job of keeping the crowd going all night…
…and by the end of the evening, I was drunk enough to agree to go to a hole-in-the-wall burrito place in the Mission which apparently has “The Best Burritos in San Francisco”.
There was a huge line a la Poutini’s on a Saturday night, and as I was waiting in line, swaying drunkenly, I heard some guy say “HEY YOU! SECRET AGENT LADY!” Which may have been due to my blazer or something… I’m not sure… but I turned my head and saw this guy:
He started singing “Secret Aaaaaagent Lady, secrest aaaaaagent lady” over and over again. Then he walked up to me and said “You know who you look like? Tony Curtis! Because of your chin!”
Sooooooooooo I’m pretty sensitive about my bum-chin, so I think you can guess how I felt at that moment. I’m also often self-conscious about looking like a man with long hair, so this wasn’t exactly a compliment to me. I was crying on the inside . But I’m not confrontational, so I let it slide. Especially because I managed to get this hilarious photo of him next to some random cartoon poster. WHO LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE WITH EXAGGERATED FEATURES NOW, DICKWAD:
He budded in front of me. I guess his name was Pablo, and he likes to “Rock”:
Anyways, once that unpleasantness passed I got my burrito. It was SO heavy. Like 10 pounds.
Now, granted, I was totally wasted, and usually when I’m wasted I can eat a bag of rotten grass and think it tastes good, but for real. It was SO GOOD:
It was, in fact, SO delicious, that I must have eaten it like a digusting piglet licking an ice cream cone, because when I looked down at my red pants and delicate, petal-pink blazer, it looked like this:
Ya. I’m pretty gross. The next day I looked at my outfit and it looked like someone had taken a paintbrush, dipped it in meat sauce, and flicked it all over my body. I am a disgusting pig.
But it was totally worth it.
Tomorrow is a treasure-hunt in the city, then Alcatraz - stay tuned!