Dear Chick Who Almost Gave Me a Heart Attack,
When you popped out of H&M in front of me and started walking down the street, I thought that you were actually naked from the waist down. Like, I thought you were wearing no pants. Actually pantsless. For a split second, I sped up a little bit, because I was going to tell you that you forgot to re-put on your pants in the changeroom at H&M.
Then I realized you were wearing nude, slightly shiny leggings from American Apparel with a shirt that didn’t cover your bum or cooch. The leggings were the EXACT colour of your skin, and they were so tight on your arse that they re-created your bum crack completely. Thank GOD you weren’t walking towards me, because I didn’t have to see your gross freaky-deaky nude leggings camel toe. I can only imagine you looked something like this.
THAT’S SO GROSS. YOU’RE SO GROSS.