Sometimes, when I’m feeling low, I like to go to the “Runway” section of my local Winners, and try on really expensive and ridiculous pieces of clothing.  I never (well… almost never) buy anything, but I feel somewhat validated by the fact that designer clothing has touched my body. 

Damn crazy Winners.  It boggles the mind that they carry, like, $2000.00 Gucci blazers next to “Sexy Gal” brand nylon bar tops for $12.99.  So tacky and awesome.

First, I saw these mint green sequined Charlotte Ronson shorts and HAD to try them on.  Teeeeeee hee hee hee:

This Chloe dress looked a little conservative on the hangar, but that’s the secret with well-made clothes.  They just transform into instant sexiness when you slip them on:

Then, this Missoni dress jumped out to me.  But it’s one of those “slutty but not interesting” designer dresses that look like they could have been purchased at Zara or something.  In fact, I think I saw a copy of this dress at The Bay or some shit last year:

When I saw the price tag on this Gucci blazer, I decided that I HAD to try it on. 

I love that

a) they’re selling it “on clearance” for the low, low price of $1,500.00, and
b) there is an “AS-IS” stamp on it.  Like, Winners wants you to know that “although you are paying $1,500.00, note that there is a jizz stain on the back, and an animal had pissed on it, and the back seam is ripped.”

It didn’t fit me.  As in, it was so small that my rip cage was almost crushed.  So, I decided to keep my $1,500.00.