April 15, 2011
MOST AWKWARD POSE ON EARTH. I’m sorry, I look like a tool in this picture. SOMEBODY got me all paranoid by telling me that “I have the exact same pose in every photo”, which led me to try and mix it up, which led me to looking like a total Sears catalogue model with a rubber ankle.
Despite that, my jeans look pretty good. I decided that, even though I will never have the thighs of an emaciated Nicole Richie, I’m still going to wear the tighest pants on Earth and everyone can just suck it. My big ol’ BEE-hind is just going to be all up in yo’ face this summer, and you can snicker with your friends all you want. I’m still going to wear saran-wrap denim that is so tight, it will leave pocket-imprints on my bum.
Self-hating, dog-loving and cheese-eating in Toronto. 
I see how it is, I get the all caps treatment. Thats fine, it’s my fault you look righteous.Ha, Rubber ankle. Speaking of the tightest jeans on earth – what are those? They make your caboose look sick.
I’m sorry. You were just trying to be helpful… and I should have mentioned that it wasn’t you – you were relaying a message from your man.
The jeans are from Urban Outfitters, but they’re not as tight as the jeans I’ll be wearing tonight… so watch out.
Paint them shits on!
There’ll be sickatating ba-donka-donk all up in everyone’s faces.
First of all, my brother and I have been mocking Sears models for yeeeeears because of their standard foot pose, but ours goes like this:
1) Place hands on hips
2) Kick one hip jauntily out to one side
3) Rotate opposite foot outwardly to a 90-degree angle, pivoting from the heel
4) With that heel planted firmly on the ground, reeeeeeeach for the sky with your toes. So spirited!
5) Toothy smile. The brave and sassy may even attempt a wide-mouthed, Julia Roberts-style guffaw. GO FOR IT, GIRL!
Here is the closest thing I could find, but I swear to bananas that there was a catalog where on every page the above description could be found and ever since then we’ve been mocking it…
http://www.aperfectworld.org/Sears/sears47.jpg
(I don’t know what a “Body Thing” is, but it sounds cool.)
Oh yeah, I forgot my “second of all”. Was just gonna say that your upside down heart ass looked fiiiine!
Coined it. RUMP!