Those of you who know me also know that I have an intense, deep-seeded hatred for Nicolas Cage.  I think that he is unattractive, a horrible, horrible actor, and “sells out” in every single movie that he takes on.  I mean, he’s cast in the exact same role in every single movie and he makes absolutely NO effort to take on interesting or challenging roles.  I always thought that he was the most overrated actor in all of Hollywood.

HOWEVER.  Yesterday, while I was figuring out what to wear, I saw that Moonstruck was on TV.  I remember liking that movie, so I put it on.  Then I discovered:

Nicolas Cage in Moonstruck is mind-blowingly sexy. 

Like, I had to stop getting ready and kneeled on the floor in front of the TV, mesmerized by his sexiness.  So much so, that I was late meeting Marg for dinner.  When I finally did get to dinner, I spent PROBABLY 1 hour gushing over how sexy Nicolas Cage was in the film Moonstruck.  Like… SEXY.  (p.s. Marg… I’m sorry.)  I spent some time thinking about it today, because I find it fascinating that Nicolas Cage as Ronny Cammareri is like, the perfect man, but Nicolas Cage in every other component of his life is the source of overwhelming hatred.  Here is what I came up with:

1. He is naturally and casually good looking, and not a skeletal shell of a man with devil-like features covered in leathery skin like he is now:
YES:
 
NOOOOOOOO:

2. His character is this perfect balance of sensitivity, inner pain, and animalistic raw sex:

So when you first meet him, Ronny is in the basement of a bakery, sweaty and angry, throwing bread into a huge stone oven.  Then, you find out about how his fiancee left him for his brother and since then, he has allowed his anger to consume him… then he seduces Cher and falls in love with her.  THEN, he tells her about how much he loves opera and takes her to the opera in a tuxedo. 

Like, what?  Keep me guessing why don’t you, Ronny Cammareri.  I dare any woman to watch Ronny in his wife beater, talking about sex and opera and NOT be ready to go.  Right there. 

3. His physical defect mirrors his inner wounds.  And somehow, the fact that he has a wooden hand makes him infinitely more sexy.

Yes.  Sexy-ass wooden hand.  It makes him this totally broken, conflicted and tempestuous figure.  Who is also totally like a sex-wolf.  Like…. jeeeeez.

4.  He is really, really, really convincing when he persuades Cher to come up to his apartment and “get in his bed”:
Ronny Cammareri: “Loretta, I love you. Not like they told you love is, and I didn’t know this either, but love don’t make things nice – it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren’t here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and *die*. The storybooks are *bullshit*. Now I want you to come upstairs with me and *get* in my bed!”
I’m sorry.  Firstly, in some kind of stupid, flawed way… that TOTALLY makes sense.  Secondly, if anyone ever said this to me, they’d have to physically restrain me from jumping into bed with them.

Anyways.  One of the best parts about him is that I DON’T KNOW WHY I am so animalistically attracted to him.  Sigh. 

 This is the message that I had to give myself several times last night as I thought and thought and thought of Ronny Cammareri: