I Feel Like I’m Taking Crazy Pills.
These are things that I really, really, really don’t like, but for some reason, the rest of society is obsessed with them. It makes me feel like I’m taking crazy pills. Then I become afraid to tell people that I don’t like these things, because I start to become paranoid that I’m a weirdo who doesn’t like the same things as the rest of normal society and I’m slowly descending into an inevitable downward spiral into insanity. So I decided to bite the crazy-person bullet tell people that I don’t like them. Just in case I regress into dementia too quickly for the source to be clearly identified.
1. How I Met Your Mother
I do not like this show. I mean, I guess, like one out of every 35 jokes makes me smile slightly, but I don’t see why people LOVE it so much. It’s a typical sit-com-ish show, with stupid writing and laugh tracks and shit. Like, they could have released this exact same show ten years ago, and it would be the exact same jokes and the same characters and you could have just replaced that tall oaf-ish guy with Matthew Perry, and the ugly brown-haired guy with that kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun, and that red-haired girl with the losery girl from Buffy the Vampire Slayer…. wait. Scratch that. Anyways. IT’S JUST A SHOW LIKE EVERY OTHER SHOW. I feel like I’m taking fucking crazy pills, here!
YES, OK? I don’t like Glee. HOW IS THIS SHOW NOT JUST A PUFFED-UP IMITATION OF THE MINI-POPS??? I don’t GET it. How does no one see this? Meh? MEEEEEH!
Listen. I really like musicals and songs and stuff, but this show makes me perma-uncomfortable. Like, every time they start singing I get super awkward like I’m watching two people on a first date and it’s going horribly, horribly wrong. Plus, that lead chick is really annoying. I’ll grant you that Canadian guy is pretty hot, even in his stupid-guy character. I could watch his brow furrow over 9th grade math problems all day… wait. That sounds pervy. And if that show RUINS one more song that I like, I might just throw a boot into my television. How could anyone think that Heart or The Pretenders or The Police or John Lennon or EVEN Beyonce sounds better when sung by a group of pre-pubescent, flash-in-the-pan horrible singer-actors?? It’s like the Mini-Pops all over again! I FEEL LIKE I’M TAKING CRAZY PILLS, HERE!
3. 3D Movies
Dude, do my eyeballs have different mechanistic properties than the rest of the human race? When I go to the movies and watch 3D movies, only the very center of the screen is in focus. The whole peripheral of the screen is all fuzzy and difficult to watch, and it HURTS MY EYEBALLS. Of course, you can’t take off the glasses, because if you do, then the whole retarded THING is all fuzzy, and my eyeballs hurt. It’s like I’m stuck in a horrible, horrible cage of eyeball pain for two hours. Plus, I don’t know if they realize that a large percentage of the human race needs to wear glasses to see, but the stupid aerodynamic, circa 2001 Oakley-shaped 3D glasses DO NOT FIT over my glasses, and keep slipping down my nose. It’s so completely uncomfortable. IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I’M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!