Time For New Glasses!
…and when I say that, I mean “two years have passed since the last time I used my vision benefits at work so I’ve decided to use them up again for overpriced frames that I don’t need!”
I’ve decided that I want something less “early 1950′s” and instead something more “late 1940′s”.
That might be the most obnoxious thing I’ve ever written.
Here is my inspiration:
Feelin’ that FO’ SHO. FO. SHO.
Although James Dean is a boy and I am a girl, and although he was so cool that he could slap a handful of dog shit on his face and he would look dreamy and smart and perfect, I have decided that this is the style of glasses I shall purchase, and no amount of rational discourse will convince me otherwise. On that note…
First attempt – Tart Arnel Frames
So these are the real business – according to my aggressive and tireless research, these are the actual frames that James Dean wore.
Pros: I can say “these are the frames that James Dean wore.”
Cons: they are only available through special order OR by buying authentic vintage pairs off ebay, which run for around ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS depending on the colour of frame you want. And since neither of these options allows you to actually try them on ma’ damn face before shelling out, I had to begrudgingly move on to other options.
So these appear to have everything I need, with the added advantage that Zooey Deschanel wears them in New Girl, which I have been spending an absurd amount of time watching recently, mostly due to the sporadic and unexpected violent make-outs between her and Nick, which is really the reason that anyone should watch anything on television or in film. To learn how women want to be kissed.
However, when I went to try them on, they made me look like an unattractive man in drag – more so than usual, which is pretty bad. I soon realized that Zooey has a face that you could throw a handful of dog shit at and she would still look all dreamy and perfect and crap, so I shouldn’t be using her as a barometer.
Third attempt- Moscot Lemtosh frames:
These ones from Moscot are pretty much replicas of the Tart Arnel except they are a bit cheaper and, again, according to my tireless internet research, they simply have a few minor riveting details that most normal people would never notice or care about, including me. I’d rather pay $200.00 for a pair of frames that look exactly like a pair of $1000.00 frames and use the other $800.00 to say, purchase a bunch of other shit.
Also, I feel strangely un-drag-queen-like in them, despite having my hair up in this picture, and despite constantly looking like a man, especially when wearing glasses.
Yeah? Yeah. TIME TO USE UP MY VISION BENEFITS! HURRAH FOR FULL TIME EMPLOYMENT!