Hierarchy of Toronto Coffee Shops
Tier Two: Country Style
Audience: Creepy men who sit on the Country Style Patio for hours on end ogling the Queen West hipster girls
Item of Choice: 3-day old salami sandwich loosely wrapped in saran wrap
Prime Time: ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT
Tier Three:Tim Horton’s
Audience: Your Mom
Item of Choice: Medium Double-Double and those Chocolate Chip Muffins with the big sugar granules on top
Prime Time: Early Morning and “after Mummy and Me Yoga Classes”
Tier Five: Independant Toronto Coffee Shops
Audience:People who are too cool for other coffee shops. Plus they wear vintage clothes that are re-sold at 400% retail value in a boutique on Ossington.
Item of Choice: Organic Saffron Gluten-Free Scone with locally-sourced bone marrow glaze AND a coffee made with a one-of-a-kind french press that is only manufactured in the bowels of the underground North Korean anti-communist movement.
Prime Time: 11:30 am – 2:00 pm (i.e. when artists, musicians, and bartenders wake up)