July, 2013

July 25, 2013

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I call this my “fat dress” because you can wear it when you are fat and look less fat.

FYI this is an indispensable piece of clothing to own, as it prevents you from wanting to slit your wrists the day after you have eaten about two full wheels of cheese and a bottle of wine and the scale tells you you’ve gained seven pounds in 24 hours.

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Time For New Glasses!

…and when I say that, I mean “two years have passed since the last time I used my vision benefits at work so I’ve decided to use them up again for overpriced frames that I don’t need!”

I’ve decided that I want something less “early 1950’s” and instead something more “late 1940’s”.

That might be the most obnoxious thing I’ve ever written.

Here is my inspiration:

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Feelin’ that FO’ SHO. FO. SHO.

Although James Dean is a boy and I am a girl, and although he was so cool that he could slap a handful of dog shit on his face and he would look dreamy and smart and perfect, I have decided that this is the style of glasses I shall purchase, and no amount of rational discourse will convince me otherwise. On that note…

First attempt – Tart Arnel Frames

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So these are the real business – according to my aggressive and tireless research, these are the actual frames that James Dean wore.

Pros: I can say “these are the frames that James Dean wore.”

Cons: they are only available through special order OR by buying authentic vintage pairs off ebay, which run for around ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS depending on the colour of frame you want. And since neither of these options allows you to actually try them on ma’ damn face before shelling out, I had to begrudgingly move on to other options.

 

Second attempt – Oliver Peoples Gregory Peck Frames:
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So these appear to have everything I need, with the added advantage that Zooey Deschanel wears them in New Girl, which I have been spending an absurd amount of time watching recently, mostly due to the sporadic and unexpected violent make-outs between her and Nick, which is really the reason that anyone should watch anything on television or in film.  To learn how women want to be kissed.

However, when I went to try them on, they made me look like an unattractive man in drag – more so than usual, which is pretty bad.  I soon realized that Zooey has a face that you could throw a handful of dog shit at and she would still look all dreamy and perfect and crap, so I shouldn’t be using her as a barometer.

 

Third attempt- Moscot Lemtosh frames:

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These ones from Moscot are pretty much replicas of the Tart Arnel except they are a bit cheaper and, again, according to my tireless internet research, they simply have a few minor riveting details that most normal people would never notice or care about, including me.  I’d rather pay $200.00 for a pair of frames that look exactly like a pair of $1000.00 frames and use the other $800.00 to say, purchase a bunch of other shit.

Also, I feel strangely un-drag-queen-like in them, despite having my hair up in this picture, and despite constantly looking like a man, especially when wearing glasses.

Yeah?  Yeah.  TIME TO USE UP MY VISION BENEFITS!  HURRAH FOR FULL TIME EMPLOYMENT!

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Posted in Style, Things, Vintage Love 3 Comments »

July 19, 2013

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This dress is too low in the front for work.  I learned this because at least four times today I noticed that I was flashing everyone.  Also, I think it might be see-through, but I can’t tell because every mirror I look in has really crappy light.  I need like, a giant portable mirror that I can take into the daylight and do lunges in front of to determine whether my underwear is visible.  Alas, I have no such mirror.

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Yup.

If you’re in Toronto you’re feelin’ me.

Posted in Makes Me Frown, Musicality No Comments »

July 15, 2013

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Pretty soon my “Girlish-Girl-in-a-Girly-Skirt” outfits will run out and I’ll have to go back to wearing mannish pants and stuff, but I’m still running strong with girlishness this week.

At least upping the girly factor on my clothes helps neutralize the mannishness on my face, which people say is a figment of my imagination. I am convinced that I look like a man in a wig at all times.  EXCEPT WHEN I WEAR GIRLY SKIRTS.

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ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN

Posted in Drunken Observations, Favorite Things, Musicality, Randomness No Comments »

Deck Life 2013

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This summer’s deck motif be killin’ it.  It’s possible I ordered a bunch of vintage silk sarees and am planning to construct a sweet-ass saree-based tent in one corner of the deck.  And by possible I mean it happened and I’m going to.

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Posted in Housey Stuff, Randomness No Comments »

Seriously?

Who fucking kisses like that?  Stop fucking with my brain.

Posted in Favorite Things, Randomness 3 Comments »

Sexy Nat G

Missed Connection Natalie g

YEAH.

Although, I’m 99.9999999999999% sure it’s about this Natalie G: http://www.sexynatg.com/

Still. It was nice to think someone was into the vibe.

Posted in Craigslist Awesomeness, Randomness 1 Comment »

Natalie in Nevis (Part 3)

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Holy white legs.

Anyway, went on a hike up the volcano.  It was wet.  And muddy.

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Terrifying friggen volcano cave.  I am 100% sure there are bats/zombies/bat-zombies living in there:

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As you know, I love graveyards.  I visited one was at the top of a hill, adjacent to a church that was built in the 1600’s.  You can just like, walk up the hill, open the door and walk in and chill out, church-y styles.

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Nevis used to produce and ship sugar-cane, but it stopped at some point because it wasn’t profitable enough. Because of that, there are TONS of discarded sugar-cane manufacturing machinery pieces around the island, just like, sitting around.

Our guide took us to the last sugar-cane manufacturing site, now abandoned and all rusted-over.  I love how you can just like, go up to a rusty, old abandoned building in the middle of nowhere, and just hang out and have a picnic and take pictures of machinery from the 1800s.

Check out that huge crank:

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Sugar bowls of algae!

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There was the clear and present danger of the following:

1. Tetanus;
2. Collapsing Roof;
3. Algae Poisoning; and
4. Sugar-Cane Zombies.

But still. SO COOL.

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Also visited a few of the luxury hotels on the island.  First, Golden Rock Plantation, which is essentially a luxury hotel made up of old sugar cane plantation, in the middle of a super-lush rainforest.

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This is a cinnamon leaf.  Cinnamon leaf smells SO GOOD.  Better than cinnamon bark.

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Next, the Hermitage Plantation Inn, which is a bunch of tiny gingerbread houses in the middle of the rain forest, with a big main dining hall filled with antiques.  It’s amazing.

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Finally, Montpellier Plantation, which was my favourite.  It’s like an art deco plantation from the 20’s with like, a Miami-style pool.  So baller-y.

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At Montpellier you can apparently have a big fancy dinner in this sugar-cane silo thingie.  It’s apparently ridiculously expensive.  Damn rich people paying money to eat in abandoned silos. Crazy.

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A quick trip through Charlestown.  Did you know that Alexander Hamilton was born in Charlestown?  He’s apparently some big important American person.

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Bye, Nevis.  It’s been fun.

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