June, 2013

DIY Dream Catcher

DIY-Dream-Catcher

I have this weird space in my bedroom between the door to my outdoor balcony and a column that I have been meaning to fill with something – originally I had two hanging plants there, but since I have a fundamental lack of motherliness, they both died within a week and have been sitting against the wall, dried up and dead for over a year, like plant-skeletons mocking my matronly ineptitude.

I thought that the space was perfect for a large-sized, uber-hipstery dream catcher, and since I refuse to pay money for anything that I can reasonably make myself, I set some time aside to throw one together this weekend.

It’s surprisingly easy – I looked at the quick figure below for about 30 seconds then got to bisznas.

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The first thing you need is a big ring.  I wanted a really big dream catcher and it’s actually pretty hard to find purpose-made “dream catcher rings” in large sizes, so I improvised and used a big embroidery hoop.  In retrospect, it’s a little too flat along the edge, but I don’t f-ing care that much.  What am I, the Queen of England?  Pffffffft.

Then you wrap the ring in leather or “faux ultra suede” like me.  IMPORTANT NOTE: you need much more leather than you think you do.  Much more.  Err on the side of caution and buy A LOT.

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This part of the dream catcher is the most annoying and boring, so it helps if you’re drunk.  I recommend a big, frosty craft beer.  It helps the “faux-ultra-suede” wrapping part go by quicker.

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Alright, wrap the whole hoop then tie the ends tightly.  You can see in the photo below that I have TWO ends on each side of the hoop.  That’s because I underestimated how much leather I needed, used it all and only got half-way, then had to go back to the store and buy more to finish the other half.  If you are a normal person, you will only have one end.

Anyways, as per the figure up at the top, you basically just wind the center thread in a repetitive pattern around the hoop over and over.  Some tips:

  • It’s really hard to get all of your first level of loops evenly distributed.  I recommend wrapping them all, then going back and sliding and adjusting them afterwards while keeping the loose end tight;
  • Keep your one hand continuously on the end of the string while looping it through the holes with your other hand… and use a consistent motion (i.e. over-under; over-under…. not over-under; under-over… that will suck);
  • Similarly, you can continuously adjust your loops by tightening and loosening the end of the string with your other hand as you continue to add more levels.

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At some point, you have to string a bead into the dream catcher… that is the “spider” apparently.  Whatever.

I chose a white bead.  Make sure you like the colour of bead, because you can’t pull that sucker out without undoing the whole thing.  I’m not sure I like my colour of bead.  Which sucks.

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Anyways, once you are happy with all of your web, tie that sucker off and leave a bit hanging – you’re going to tie a feather to it, don’t worry.

Then you just, like, tie a bunch of shit off the end of the dream catcher to  make it look all boho-y and junk.  I tied some leftover “faux-ultra-suede”, some embroidery thread, and twine and other garbage.  I might go back and put some better stuff on later.  Who knows.

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After you’ve tied all your junk on the end, you should put some beads and feathers and stuff like that on it.  It makes it even more ultra-boho-hisptery.

BLAM!  Dream catcher all up in yo’ face:

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Posted in Arty Art, Crafty Crafts, DIY, Housey Stuff 2 Comments »

Vintage Things I Bought This Weekend

I didn’t have a lot to do this weekend, which means I wandered around spending money on things I don’t need.  Here is an analysis of my stupid purchases:

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Item: Vintage 70’s Denim Vest
Purchased at: Trinity Bellwoods Giant Yard Sale
Cost: $3.00
Why I Bought It: SORRY, DID YOU SEE THE PICTURE?  COME. ON.
Wearability: a 4 out of 10.  Can wear Canadian Tuxedo styles with jeans or like, with other things… I don’t know… I’ll figure it out… IT’S AN AWESOME VEST, COME ON.

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Item: Vintage 90’s Floral Flippy Mini Skirt
Purchased at: Philistine
Cost: $35.00
Why I Bought It: It’s getting frigging hot and I need things that are short but that aren’t *actual* shorts because my legs look like sausages in actual shorts.
Wearability: a 6 out of 10.  Very wearable for casual stuff and the navy goes with a lot.  Can’t wear to work as is too slutty.

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Item: Vintage Cole Haan Tassle Loafers
Purchased at: Philistine
Cost: $40.00
Why I Bought It: Although I have many many many pairs of shoes, and many pairs of loafer-type things, I do not have a black pair.  AND these are fucking adorable.  Jesus.
Wearability: a 7 out of 10.  Super comfortable and they are fancy enough to wear for more serious things.  Sometimes black flat shoes make my legs look like sausages though, so I need to be careful.

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Item: Vintage 70’s Cotton Gauze Peasant-Boho-Hippie-Western-Cool-Girl Maxi Dress
Purchased at: Silver Falls Vintage
Cost: $35.00
Why I Bought It: I DON’T KNOW.  THERE IS NO REASON.
Wearability: a 2 out of 10.  Where am I going to wear this fucking thing?  Nowhere.  Never.  It just makes me happy that I have it sitting in my closet and that I can put it on and do pirouettes and feel like a 70’s hippie princess every couple of weeks, and it hides my sausage legs.  Don’t judge me.  I know you’re jealous.

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If you ever want to make out with me…

…give me two glasses of wine then play this:

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One Day in Santa Fe (Part Two)

One-Day-in-Santa-Fe

When I found out I was going to have some free time in Santa Fe, my first course of action was to go into my bank account and calculate how much money I could spend on superfluous pieces of turquoise jewelry and unnecessary southwestern textiles.  Do I need either of these things?  Fuck no.

First thing I wanted to go see was the Native American Vendors Program, which is a government-sponsored/organized section of the local Governors building where Native American artists and vendors can sell their work to walkers-by.

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There was a LOT of turquoise, and I pretty much plottzed.  I guess I thought because I was in New Mexico, the turquoise would be super cheap, and although it was definitely not as expensive as it is in Toronto, it really wasn’t crazy reduced.

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There was lots of great silver-work, too.  I wanted this damn braided bracelet SO F-ING bad, but it was like $250 bucks and even with my superior bartering skills, I can’t afford that shit.  So I left it.  Devastating.  DEV-A-STA-TING!

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First objective: get rings.  I liked this one, but the guy wasn’t budging on price and I was all like “forget you, guy”, and went on to the next booth.  As you can see, I am a shrewd and savvy negotiator.

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In the end, I went a little bananas.  Three turquoise rings, and one sliver one.  I love them so much.  Even though they highlight the piglety-ness of my fingers, I shall wear them as often as I can.

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My second objective was to do some vintage shopping, which is becoming an all-consuming need when I visit a new place.  I have a desire to buy something so that I can be all like “Yeah, whatever, I got it at a vintage store in <insert town here>.  No big deal.”  Since I only had one day, I did a bit of research before coming, and this place called Double Take came up many times.

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Double Take is huge and has like, a bunch of sub-stores within it.  There is a main “regular thrift” store at the bottom, a “western and cowboy vintage” store to one side, a full-on crazy antique and furniture store on the top level, and like baby and kids stores on the side.  I went to the vintage cowboy section first.  OF COURSE.

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I considered getting a pair of cowboy boots, but then I remembered that I have probably about seventeen pairs of cowboy boots already and I never wear them.  I actually restrained myself.  So proud.  Especially after my turquoise binge.

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On to the hats.  I don’t know if you know, but I look *really* good in hats.  Like, all hats.  I think it’s because I have an abnormally large  gorilla-head, and hats balance out its size.  Here are some hats:

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I *wish* I had the nutsack to wear the black hat below around, because I think its so FUCKING bad-ass.  However, it is also in “crazy-lady” territory if you can’t pull it off well.  I chose not to purchase it, because I already think my friends kind of feel like I”m a crazy-lady based on some of the other hats I own.  No need to fan the fires of crazy-lady talk.

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Instead, I moved onto the vintage cowboy/southwestern wear and fell in damn-ass-poo LOVE with this off-the-shoulder southwestern fancy lady shirt.  BOUGHT.

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Double Take is also where I found this weird two stone ring.  Most turquoise rings started at at least $70 USD, even for ones WAY smaller than this one, but for some reason this one was priced at $25.  Neither me nor any of the salespeople were able to determine why it was so cheap.  Stones and silver all real.  BOUGHT.

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There was a *lot* of jewelry.  Bolo ties galore.  I really wanted that blue jug, too, but it was like $140 or some shit. Forget you, snooty expensive blue jug.

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The last (I promise) turquoise thing I bought was this SWEET ASS Zuni necklace below.  The design is called the “Squash Blossom”, and again, these are usually SUPER FUCKING expensive.  Like, we’re talking $1000.00 expensive (Google that shit).  I found this in a huge display case with other turquoise that was 30% off for some reason and there was a small little price written on one corner that said $89.  The salesperson was like… “I’m pretty sure that’s not the price”… and I was all like “Woman.  It says that price.  You have to sell it to me or I’ll sue you.” SO SHE DID.  I have no idea whether you can sue people for writing the wrong price on things, but it seems plausible.

I know it has a couple of stones missing, but I DON’T CARE. BOUGHT.

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OH YEAH.  I also found this Jil Sander skirt for SEVEN DOLLARS.

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YA, I SAID SEVEN DOLLARS.  Please visit here to get a frame of reference on how fucking unbelievable that is.  It also fit like a sexy butt-glove.  It says “as is” on the tag, but I searched for about 20 minutes and couldn’t find a single fucking thing wrong with it.  FUNKING BOUGHT.

The antiques and artwork in the upper level were also pretty amazing.  There is my blue jug, being all expensive:

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I seriously considered buying that “Canada” apron below but then I was like “where the fuck will I put that shit?” so I didn’t.  I also wanted the two posters.  But have no where to put them, either.  Le sob.

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YES.  Neon wolf howling at cactus:

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YES.  Happy skeleton lady, painted on a damn plate:

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YES.  1970’s tacky-amazing dishware:

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Sigh.  Popped into a couple of other stores, but to be perfectly honest, I had pretty much drained my budget at this point so I didn’t really have money to spend anyways.

Went back to my hotel and ate a delicious club sammie:

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Then they were serving s’mores in the lobby so I hauled my fat ass over for a s’more to eat while watching the sun set:

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FYI – the sunsets in Santa Fe are UNBELIEVABLE.  I felt like I was watching the end of a dramatic movie.  The light changes constantly and the colours are so vivid.  Eyeball boner.

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The best part is that as soon as the light drops out of sight, like thirty coyotes howl as loud as fuck.  It was like nature-magic.

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Since it was my last day I wanted to get a video of the sunset, so I took my s’more and ran up a steep hill to get a good view.  Here is my video.  You can hear me gasping for breath like an obese person because I am so out of shape.  Try to block that out and focus on the beauty of the moment:

Highly recommend Santa Fe.  Go.  I’ll leave you with my picstiched Insta of the sunset.  My hipster homage:

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