You know why I likey so much? Because it’s all poo-green like in the olden-days. I like the olden-days, much better than I like the current-days, mostly because of the appliance colours. I mean, let’s be honest. Appliance colours really do define the zeitgeist, more so than political change or social movements. The main reason that the 2000’s sucked was because of all the stainless steel appliances. You know what stainless steel appliances lead to? Paris Hilton. Obviously. And nobody wants that.
Anyways, so the other day I was sitting on the floor of my kitchen, staring aimlessly into space as I often do, wondering how I could make my kitchen more old-timey without spending a jabillion dollars, as I often do. And then I realized the solution was simple.
PAINT THAT SHIT. Like… with house paint.
I submit as evidence, the kitchen scale that I bought for $2.00 at a yard sale last year:
It has a marginal retro vibe, yes. But it is pretty boring. IMAGINE IF THAT BAD BOY had an old-timey appliance colour? I can guarantee no one would be selling it at a yard sale. They’d be putting that shizz up on Etsy for like $150.00. FYI: Old-timey appliance colours fall into the following brackets:
- 50’s-60’s: mint green and like, farty pinks
- 70’s: poo-greens and eyeball-attacking oranges
- 80’s: anything with lasers painted on it
My kitchen has beautiful, imported, calm blue Italian glass tiles for a back splash (due to my MEGA BALLERDOM), and although I really like my poo-green Kitchenaid, I felt that a mint-green would be appropriately old-timey.
DIY Retro Kitchen Thingamajig
- Appliance Thingamajig (i.e. yard-sale scale)
- Can of paint (need ideas for colours? I just gave you some. Avert eyes upwards.)
- Painter’s Tape
- An Exuberant Spirit and Positive Outlook (optional)
Tape the areas that you don’t want to be all retro-looking (i.e. the areas that actual have functional parts and moving levers and pulleys and junk):
Prime the Thingamajig:
Paint it mint green. Slap a coat of low-gloss polyurethane on it. Bask in the glory of your mint-green success. Put fruits on it. Take pictures of it. Instagram them. And so on and so forth.