February, 2013

Horrible Realization

When I wear no make up and don’t tame my lion’s mane… I look like Dave Pirner from Soul Asylum circa 1996.

Observe:



GROSS.

 

 

Posted in Randomness 1 Comment »

february 7, 2013

I recently fell in love with this serious-lady vintage St. John sweater dress online.  It arrived last week and I’ve been really excited to wear it.  ONLY PROBLEM IS… that the best part of the dress was the SUPER COOL WICKED navy leather anchor belt:

WHAAAAAT!???!  Coolest ever.   Then, when it arrived, the seller had packed it all shittily in an envelope and the anchor belt had SNAPPED IN HALF.  It was devastating.  Anyways.  I still look like a sex-machine sans belt, as you can plainly see below:

Posted in Outfit A Day, Randomness 2 Comments »

money to burn

I managed to unexpectedly receive a gift card recently for FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS to spend at Holt Renfrew, which is a bigger present than anything I have ever received in my life.  Having this much money to spend on PURE FRIVOLITY (because, let’s be honest, no one is going to Holt’s to buy like, five-packs of white cotton underwear) made me temporarily feel like an actual, honest-and-for-true, Rich Person.  I decided that, instead of being sensible and using it to buy several moderately-priced smaller items, I wanted to BLOW the whole thing on one amazing item that I could never afford otherwise.

Here are some things I contemplated while trying to figure out what to buy.

First thing I came across was this orange/burgundy/red Marc by Marc Jacobs purse that is f-ing stunning and was “within” my frivolity range at $585.00.  Seriously, it is the perfect fancy-lady-slash-hipster bag, and, as such, I believed it would make me feel like a fancy lady from the 70’s-slash-hipster from the 90’s (which is like a style orgasm for my brain-hole).  It was the first thing I saw, so I didn’t want to jump the gun, but just to be sure I picked it up and walked around the store with it the whole time so that some other fucking person didn’t steal it from me.

The Marc Jacobs bag was pretty much the only purse that I liked that wasn’t $3000.00.  There was also this Rebecca Minkoff bag… but meh.  Didn’t even compare.

 On to the shoe section.  There was a sale on so there were some fancy-person heels on sale that came within my $500.00 range (jesus it is crazy that I just wrote that sentence).  First, some classic pink Louboutins:

I have never tried on Louboutin’s, and since they cost more than a month’s rent, I guess I assumed that when I put them on my foot would start singing and I would feel as if I was wearing magic comfortable uggs-slash-slippers.  JUST SO YOU KNOW… the cost of the shoes is *definitely* not related to comfort.  It felt like I put my foot into an uncomfortable cone of razors.

And, like, seriously – don’t they look exactly the same as a pair of fucking pink shoes from Aldo or Zara or something??  Like, WHAT THE F am I paying hundreds of dollars for?  NOTHING.  THAT’S WHAT.

The only other pair of shoes I tried were these studded Chloe ankle boots.  I actually really liked them, but:

  1. Outside of my $500.00 price range;
  2. One size too big; and
  3. They are *slightly* crazy-person shoes.  Like, if I were the waifish lead-singer of a cool British alt-metal band all hepped up on heroin and on tour in Japan, I could get away with them.  Unfortunately I am a lardy Corporate shill.  So no studded boots for me.

Anyways, fuck the shoe section.  Off to clothing.

So this was the issue with the clothing section.  I am a fat lardo right now and I didn’t want to buy something that fit because I plan on losing copious amounts of lard, and I didn’t want to buy something too small because I might not lose that lard, in which case I would be wasting my $500.00.  Such a ridiculous rich fancy rich lady dilemma.

Tried on a few Helmut Lang blazers… meeeeeeeh.

 

And then this shirt that I thought would look cool and edgy but actually just looked like a shitty futuristic space-uniform:

Anyways.  Of course.  I left with my new love:

Have only worn it about twice because I’m petrified that it might start raining or a baby might throw up on it or something.  Still.  She is beautiful.

And so ends my one, brief, shining moment as a rich person.  Sigh.

Posted in Favorite Things, Style, Things 2 Comments »

february 6, 2013

This outfit is a success story, because when I bought this gold brocade-y skirt on sale, it was *way* too small for me.  Seriously.  It was like putting a rubber band around a bag of milk.

But now it fits.  TAKE THAT, BODY.

Posted in Outfit A Day No Comments »

many items & things

Many items have been occurring that I have not been telling you about.  Mostly because I’ve been working like 70 hour weeks and want to shoot myself in the face most nights.  However, I think work might start to pull back a  little bit, so I wanted to keep you abreast of happenings and items and things.

  1. My best friend in the whole world got engaged to the best guy ever.  Most amazing.  They are also working on something really exciting for the spring, which I will definitely be telling you about;
  2. The weather has been up and down like a crazy person lately.  Bad news is that you’ll go to bed one night to a balmy 8 degrees, and wake up the next morning to a foot of snow.  GOOD news is that you’ll go to bed with a foot of snow and wake up to an 18 degree Saturday.  Fence-cat enjoys these days.
  3. The quick freezes also led to some cool frozen skeleton-flowers.  Here is a skeleton flower.
  4. Here is another skeleton flower hydrangea.  I kind of like it A LOT.
  5. I had to go out to a “club” this Saturday (like a CLUB-club), and at first I wanted to wear this weird curtain-y hippie mini-dress with Shakespeare sleeves to be all weird and different and hippie-ish.
  6. This is what that dress is supposed to look like on someone who isn’t awful-looking.
  7. Here is what I actually looked like.  I did not wear the dress due to self-hatred.
  8. Part of the trip to the “club” was a ride on a Party Bus.  I sat back and watched other people bust a crazy move.
  9. Trav decided to be amazing and wore a shirt that lights up when music plays.
  10. The Party Bus was a huge ridiculous escapade that included having to jump another Party Bus whose battery had died, and sitting at Queen and Dovercourt for 45 minutes while everyone went to the bus washroom.  Here is the sign in the bus washroom.  In retrospect, I’m pretty sure I put tissues in the toilet.
  11. I got *really* drunk.  The next morning I spent 100% of my time snoozing with my love.
  12. IMPORTANT DISCOVERY:  FRENCH ONION SOUP IS THE MOST AMAZING THING THAT WAS EVER CREATED.  I made this f-ing amazing soup with garlic toasts and Provolone and Gruyere and caramelized onions… I pity you for not having tasted it.
  13. My vintage shopping has been on the back burner lately, but I managed to procure a CHANEL SUIT like a fucking BALLER.  It’s about fifteen pounds too small for me, so I have to lose fifteen pounds basically.
  14. I have been drinking too much.
  15. On that note, if you haven’t tried this wine from California you are missing out.  It’s like 15 bucks and it’s AMAZING.
  16. On that note again, Bellwoods‘ retail hours has expanded so now I have a constant stream of big Bellwoods bottles in my fridge.

Posted in Canines, Drunken Observations, Randomness, Style, Vintage Love No Comments »