Who likes pictures? IT BETTER BE YOU. Because I took a lot.
Left Oktoberfest the morning after our third day of getting “piss your pants” drunk en route for Vienna. The plan was to stop over in Vienna before heading to Prague for a couple of days, but I soon realized that we literally had 48 hours in Vienna and had to PACK IT IN like packing fucking nuts into the mouth of a squirrel… as it were.
I managed to find a fantastic boutique hotel that was adequately fancy for my “high-falouten” tastes, while staying within the range of my “dead-beat loser” budget. LOOK AT THE DUCK-LEGS LAMP. That is all I have to say about that.
Headed to a restaurant called Gigerl for dinner. Just so you know, if you go to this place, you should get the like “taster” dinner or whatever the fuck it was, because you get like a three course meal for about like, fifteen dollars, and you can pack your face like nuts into the mouth of a squirrel.
Yeah whatever, spinach pastries and cheese paste. Cheese paste is like 60% of every European’s diet.
SPEAKING OF CHEESE… in Europe, they have this stuff called sweet cheese strudel.
IT IS THE BEST THING ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH AND YOU SHOULD EAT AS MUCH OF IT AS POSSIBLE. NUTS –> MOUTH OF SQUIRREL.
Next morning, I was pleased to find that the “complimentary breakfast” at the “high-falouten” hotel I was staying out was basically a luxury buffet with like, mason jars of yogurt and organic granola and like, sea salt butter patties tied in brown kraft paper with twine bows and shit like that.
I was NOT SO PLEASED to find that the “complimentary breakfast” was, actually NOT a complimentary breakfast, and I had to pay 30 Euro for a mason jar of fucking yogurt.
Anyways, once I got over that fiduciary hurdle, I busted out onto the city. I ONLY HAD 48 HOURS, so I had to do some jam-packery, stat. Not unlike jam-packing nuts into the mouth of a squirrel, etc.
Here is the first of about A BILLION churches that I saw. I *think* this was St. Stephen’s Cathedral, that big ol’ main church right smack dab in tourist town. Pretty nice. Pretty nice indeed.
Arty-est photo-taker ever.
Now, the second component of the plan was to “hook up” with a “walking tour” in order to see as much of the city as possible in the morning, then decide what to focus on in the afternoon.
You would *think* that would be easy to find, you know, in a HUGE TOURIST CAPITAL in Europe. HA HA HA. Nope. Walked around St. Stephen’s square for about an hour… there were tons of guys wearing ornate old Mozart “capelets”, who were trying to convince me to watch the Mozart Symphony… but no walking tours.
So the strategy was to walk around aimlessly. Here are some arty “walking around aimlessly” photos:
Although they are nostalgic and cute… I actually felt really bad for the horses lined up for the carriages.
Alright. Time to get my shit together. With no walking tour, we decided to actually set a destination and go to Naschmarket, an open-air market with like CHEESE CHEESE AND MORE CHEESE. So basically, a Natalie paradise.
…well, cheese and mutant fruit. Zucker Melonens and Jack Frucht!
At about 2 we finally stumbled upon a walking tour. It was good. I guess. Meh. A little Natalie tip – if you have the choice, get a tour that does not have multiple languages in it, because you have to wait for them to talk in the other languages and shit and it’s TORTUROUS and you keep thinking “… that fucking German explanation was DEFINITELY a minute longer than the English one… I’m getting SCREWED here.”. It’s very distracting.
Here is a building.
Weathered guy on horse.
SO many outdoor cafes. Even more than Toronto in the summer, which is A LOT. AND they were all full, all the time. I mean, do people have jobs in Vienna or what?
Here is a cascading sunbeam through a perfect tree onto a park with wonderful people enjoying life.
Here is some chick being stupid.
THEN, I went to the Schmetterling House, which is German for BUTTERFLY HOUSE. WHAT?
BUTTERFLY HOUSE? Yes. Butterfly House.
Except saying Schmetterling House is BETTER in every way. SCHMETTERLING HOUSE!
Seems like a Schmetterling House would be like, a beautiful paradise of schmetterlings all schmetterling-ing around. And there WERE a large number of schmetterlings…
…however, little known fact is that schmetterling houses are like 150 DEGREES and about 400% humidity. I’m pretty sure I sweated out every drop of beer I drank in Germany. My camera started getting all foggy with schmetterling fog.
Also, most of the schmetterlings are like comotose, floating in pools of apple juice provided by the schmetterling house professionals in the searing humid heat. Not as romantic as you would imagine.
Back to aimless walking photos.
I must admit even I am impressed with my continuous arty-ness.
The day came to a close and I was so tired from my walking around that all I wanted was to collapse. But I forced myself out for some delicious food – french onion soup and steak tartare at a place called Specht.
HEY DID YOU KNOW THAT IN EUROPE YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BRING DOGS INTO RESTAURANTS? It’s true. It’s so true. It’s so true that my brain exploded with happiness. This dog was just like, hanging out licking his lips, bein’ awesome.
Next morning before leaving on the 11:00 am train, the objective was to go see the Lipizzaner Horses… they train for ten years to be like, “Super Horses”, and every morning they walk from their fancy stables to their fancy training arena and I wanted to see them real bad.
However, I needed to get some breakfast first.
Oh, whatever, here is a super adorable outdoor fall market tucked away in Vienna with like, no one here but you.
And they sell sweet cheese strudel.
Here is the only acceptable shot I got of the Lipizzaners. And a cat just chillin’ out.
After that we had to run to the train to head to beautiful Prague. Sorry this was quasi-boring and very picture-heavy… I’m getting boring in my old age. Boring and fat mostly.