June, 2012

T&A Wedding Weekend: Wedding Day!

Preface: In case you didn’t see in my last post, I went mental with the camera this weekend.  Prepare yourselves.

Since the wedding wasn’t due to start until around 3:00 pm, a crew of us decided to take a drive in the country and visit “Lake on the Mountain”, this lake that is on a mountain.

It sound mega-nerdly, but it was actually really weird to look one way and see a lake at ground level, then look another way and see a several hundred foot drop.  Then you start asking yourself all these questions like “How did the lake form?” “Is there a body of water that feeds it from BELOW???”  “Where did all the fish come from???”  SCIENCE!

So that took about five minutes then we decided to try and find this antiques store that we passed on the way in called “Dead People’s Stuff”, which sounded/looked awesome. 


We FOUND it!

Lots of cool stuff at actually REALLY good prices… but then I realized that I actually need no stuff right now.  Not even dead peoples’ stuff, which makes the stuff significantly cooler/more desirable.

 
 
 

So that took about five minutes and we were all like “LET’S GO DRINK!”.  So we found a patio on the “water” (read: swamp), and let our worries drown away in pints of cider.

 
 

Alright.  Enough of that.  Let’s get to the wedding.  T & A managed to find this AMAZING location that was a big old barn with a long back lawn, complete with a small covered outdoor tin-roofed wood structure with like, ivy growing all over it.  The ceremony took place in the tin-roofed thingie.  So simple and SO BEAUTIFUL.


FLARE!

 
Oh just some ADORABLE bunting here at the altar.

Alright, let’s cycle through some of my ONE MILLION pictures of the ceremony…

  
  
  
  

 
 HOLY MAKE ME CRY with your cuteness you two.

Alright, on to the reception, which was literally 50 feet up a beautiful lawn into a big old rustic barn.  But first champagne on the lawn in the beautiful weather.  Like, jesus crack-balls christ it was beautiful.

AND THEN THIS.


WHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

   
  
  
  

   

Here is the only picture of me.  I had these grand ambitions of putting my hair up in these complex and bohemian-esque braids, but then due to laziness/drunkenness/lack of mirror space in B&B bathroom, I decided to go “au naturel”… which in retrospect meant looking like a cocker-spaniel all night. I’m sure that the INTENSE SUN on my hair made it look a bit more freakishly frizzy than it actually was, but still.  NEVER AGAIN.

Thank god I liked my dress, which was this rust-colour that I am currently obsessed with.  RUST-COLOUR!!!!!  Best.

  
  

Oh, and introducing the drunkest people of the evening, preparing for their evening of extreme drunkenness. 

So, I got a little emotional and went up to Amanda on the dance floor and was all like “MEEEEEEEEEH AMANDA THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL (SOB) I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU (SOB), YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL (SOB), HOW DID YOU PLAN ALL THIS FROM ENGLAND (SOB) HOW DID YOU FIND THIS AMAZING PLACE (SOB)?”

And her totally amazing answer was “I googled “Ontario Barn Wedding.”   Coolest, most laid-back bride ever.

Posted in Arty Art, Crafty Crafts, Delicious Food, Drunken Observations, Favorite Things, Randomness, Travel, Vintage Love 3 Comments »

T&A Wedding Weekend: Wine Day!

Preface: WHO LIKES PICTURES?  Your response better have been “ME ME ME OH GOD JESUS ME” because I went a little nuts with my DSLR and took about 75 jillion pictures over this weekend.  In my mind, I was all like “I am doing the Bride a favour because she will have this wonderful “DSLR-quality” record of EVERY SINGLE DETAIL of her wedding weekend”, but in reality I just like to pretend I’m a photographer because it makes me feel like a big man.  Enjoy!

I went up/down/whatever to Picton this weekend to celebrate the wedding of one of my favourite people.  Amanda and her now hubby travelled to England on a whim a few years ago with no place to live, no job, and no real prospects and then everything worked out amazingly because they are spontaneous and awesome and way more adventurous than I.

A few years later they are thriving and lovin’ life in Europe while I ROT HERE IN DAMN CANADA.  Just kidding.  I love Canada.  But I am sad that I have literally only lived within a 3 hour-drive radius of my birthing hospital for my whole life.  Seems like a sad state of affairs compared to my worldly and adventurous friend.  But enough about me.

Since Amanda and Tyler are SMART and AWESOME and LOVELY, they were able to plan their whole wedding while overseas drinking in English Pubs and shopping at The Kooples.

It turned out amazing.

Day one they invited all the guests to a wine-tasting in Picton.  Little-known-fact that Picton, just outside of Kingston, has a pretty sweet-ass wine region complete with wine to go in my mouth-hole.  I booked a room at some resort-cum-cottage-cum-B-and-B place called The Waring House, which is just outside of “downtown” Picton.  Very picturesque, in a “Southern Ontario Backwoods Slash Farmlands” kind of way… but maybe they should replace their stained carpets and clean their stinky bathroom drain.  (…is that bitchy?)

Here is some corn:

Here I am in said corn:

Since there was about 3 hours before check-in time, the Receptionist recommended a walk behind the resort through the old railroad tracks.  Corn on one side, forest and stuff on the other side… AND BUGS EVERYWHERE.  Tank top was not a good idea.  Full-body mosquito netting with full-body rolling plastic ball protection would have been a good idea.  Here is an artist’s rendition:


Anyhoo, after seeing the country, it was time to head over to the first winery – called “Sandbanks Winery” after “Sandbanks Park” which is named after the “sandbanks” in the park.  Which are named because they are like “banks” of “sand”.

As previously mentioned, I took a lot of photos.  Click on the thumbnail if you want to see it all big-like.

  
   
  

Next stop was Karlo Estates.  Seriously, this place was gorgeous.  Like, I busted my nut over and over and over.  Also, the wine was really good, AND they gave us cheese and nuts and sausages and other delicious things to eat while we tasted the wine.  The chick who was doing the tasting was a *bit* (read: FUCKING VERY) long-winded… and I was all sitting there being like “SHUT THE F UP I JUST WANT TO DRINK THE DAMN WINE.”

Anyways, other than that, I LOVED Karlo Estates. Through this tasting I also discovered that, when you are not 17 and trying to get drunk off your parents’ old-person liquor, Port can be delicious.

HERE ARE A MILLION PICTURES.

  
  

  
  

  
  
  

Karlo Estates also had this mortar-less bridge that is basically held up with no mortar, hence the name “mortar-less bridge”.  It allowed people to pose on something while drunk (see below).

  

Anyhoo, I was pretty drunk at this point, but the trip wasn’t over yet… we swung over to Huff Winery to drink copious amounts of sparkling wine as the sun set.  BEST EVER.

  
  

  

End scene.

Tomorrow I’ll take you through the actual wedding which was TOTALLY BEAUTIFUL.  Seriously.  You should check back.

Posted in Delicious Food, Drunken Observations, Travel 1 Comment »

Weekendly Things

Molly hates thunder.  She doesn’t freak out and get excited, but every time it starts to rain she just gets really quiet and sad and wants to come REALLY CLOSE TO MY FACE for some reason.  In the photo above, she is trying to keep her face one inch away from mine at all times.

Alternatively, she likes to be perched on my shoulder like a deformed smush-faced parrot and sit there with her ears back.  Despite being slightly annoyed that I literally could do nothing the whole time that the thunder was banging (due to my dog-shaped shoulder-growth), I was pretty much GUSHING with motherly happiness because I like to think that being close to her mommy makes her feel comfortable and safe.  I AM SO GOOD AT BEING A MOM (to small dogs when they are extremely scared and need human contact from anyone who is close to them).

Just thought I’d mention this because it makes me so happy that I almost plottzed: I HAVE HYDRANGEAS in my garden.  They just POPPED THE FUCK OUT OF NOWHERE and are all blooming in my face.  They are one of my absolute favourite flowers. and like, every time you go somewhere fancy they’re all like “HYDRANGEAS, HYDRANGEAS EVERYWHERE FOR FANCY PEOPLE!”  Unless you are Madonna.

In other news, a good friend from University is getting married this weekend and I’m totally looking forward to it because, in addition to the pure, innocent exchange of virginal nuptials, I have it under good authority that there will be copious amounts of wine and cheese entering my mouth-hole all weekend.  What else could a girl want?

We went out last weekend for her Bachelorette party.  To Crocodile Rock.  If you have not heard/been of/to Crocodile Rock… well… then… you still have a small piece of your innocence intact.  Good for you. 

Basically, if you are a:

  1. Cougar;
  2. Cougar-Fetishist;
  3. 19-year old; or
  4. 17-year old with a 19-year old’s ID

Then this is the place to be. 

It wasn’t as bad as it could have been because the people I was with were awesome and I decided to wear orangey-red lipstick which makes me happy.  However, in hindsight it makes me look like a craggly old potato-faced witch… so I’m either going to have to re-think this whole lipstick thing, or I’m going to have to come to terms with the face that when I wear lipstick I will only be approached by blind ugly men. 

Here Nicole says “I have two beers, and do a pouty face.”

Here Nicole says “I have two beers and I do a sexy “both beers in my mouth at the same time” face.”

Oh Nicole, you so crazy.

In order to overcome the shock of being at Crocodile Rock, as well as the realization that I looked like a drowned rat with orangey-red lips, I decided to go to the bar by myself and have three whiskey shots.  Which rapidly pulled the evening into a downward spiral, culminating in the following:

Just so you can appreciate what I mean when I say I can eat A LOT… let me tell you what I purchased and consumed from McDonald’s:

  • Quarter Pounder
  • Supersized Fries
  • 10 Nuggets
  • An additional Quarter Pounder
  • An additional “medium” fries
  • Filet-o-fish

Yes.  I ate it all.  I ATE IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!  TREMBLE AT MY FEET, YOU WEAK ‘SINGLE COMBO’ EATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I SHALL SOON CRUSH YOU ALL WITH MY HUGE FRENCH-FRY FED THIGHS!

Posted in Canines, Delicious Food, Drunken Observations, Housey Stuff, Randomness 2 Comments »

June 20, 2012

Booooo heat.  Yeeeey neon cardigan.

Posted in Outfit A Day No Comments »

Good Morning Baltimore

 

As a continuation of my super glamorous professional lifestyle, I was whisked off to Baltimore last week to continue with some film production and shizznat along those lines.

So I’m sure you’re all like “BALTIMORE?  Glamorous!??  Isn’t Baltimore all like:

?”

And, truth be told, my only exposure to Baltimore was watching episodes of The Wire, too, so I thought I was headed to a “Hamsterdam”-style ghetto where people would be trying to solicit drugs by screaming out “WMDs!  WMDs!” and what-not.

But, to my surprise and delight, the Baltimore that I saw was actually GORgeous.  Look at that harbour!

Unbeknownst to me (well, “knownst”… I guess… but I never really thought about it…) that week they were celebrating the 200th anniversary of the War of 1812.  I was all like “Huh… yeah… I guess it would be the 200th anniversary of the War of 1812.  Because it’s 2012.”.  Anyways, there were a whole bunch of Tall Ships in the harbour from around the world and SAILORS EVERYWHERE. 

Like full on sailors in white flood pants and sailor hats a la 1950s musicals. 

Since I felt a bit ignorant, I decided to be super-intellectual and go onto Wikipedia that night while sitting in the bathtub and drinking a beer. 

According to Wikipedia, this is something I should know about, as it has “IMMENSE NATIONAL SIGNIFICANCE” for Canadians, and “NUMEROUS” ceremonies are scheduled in 2012 to commemorate this thing.  Am I stupid for not knowing about the Battle of Queenston Heights?  Meh?  I’m sure I learned about it in like, Grade Five.  Maybe?

Anyways, in Baltimore at least, they were having “numerous ceremonies”, including a huge Tall Ships thing where ships came from around the world, and there were sailors everywhere.

Also, did you know that the US national anthem was written in Baltimore just after the War of 1812?  WELL NOW YOU FUCKING KNOW.

To “commemorate” this event of “immense national significance”, I decided to go shopping and *almost* bought this dress, but didn’t.  I thought it made my body look a little wonky, but now I regret it, because it was a rainbow dress, and rainbow dresses should, by rule, be bought because they are rainbow, regardless of whether the striping along the chest/stomach makes you look like an Oompa Loompa.

Unfortunately for me, I actually had to work and wear a suit.

LOOK HOW FANCY I AM.

LOOK HOW FANCY MY HOTEL IS.

LOOK HOW FANCY I AM AGAIN:

THEN I DRINK A FANCY BEER IN THE BATHTUB:

AND I WATCH A FANCY TV EMBEDDED INTO MY BATHROOM MIRROR WHILE SITTING IN THE BATHTUB:

Then,  I had a southwestern chicken salad and crab cakes in the airport restaurant on the way home.  These things were surprisingly delicious, albeit significantly less fancy.

The End.

Posted in Outfit A Day, Travel No Comments »

bein’ free you and me on my own

Little Tuesday night treat last night – Sarah and I saw Bahamas open up for Michael Kiwanuka.  The show was amazing, however, the discussion quickly spiraled into frenzied descriptions about how unexpectedly and hyper-intensely attractive he looked.  Shallow but so so so true.  Let the record show that a good haircut, white shirt, jeans, and a guitar is ALWAYS a good look.

Posted in Favorite Things, Musicality 5 Comments »

Mini-Trip to NY: Day Two

So I was staying a luxury hotel overlooking Central Park, and when I checked in they were all like “OH!  Would you like your regular, super-wicked fancy-ass room?” and I was all like “Obviously.”


Thank God for the Chess set, as I enjoy spending many-a-time playing the Chess.


Yawn.  This was my view.


While taking this picture, I was petrified of dropping my iPhone and accidentally killing someone via “accelerated gravity-induced iPhone to the head”.

Seriously, though, I was actually there to “work”.  When I say “work”, I mean hanging out in the Presidential Suite of a luxury hotel over-looking Central Park, taking pictures of myself like a baller while supervising a video shoot.  Yes, I know it’s basically exactly the same as my last trip.  Deal with it.

Except this time I was an “extra” in the shoot, so I got to get my hair and makeup done by a professional make-up artist.  WHAT????

Incidentally, I was coming down with a cold and my makeup artist (who is Russian), told me to use these Russian nose drops that you basically put into your nose and it burns like the fire of a thousand suns and then you are cured.

Some of it accidentally went in my mouth and I was worried I was going to have radiation poisoning or Dioxin poisoning or something else dramatic and Russian-mafia-esque.  But I survived.

ALSO.  I bumped into Lionel Richie in the lobby.  Whaaaaa?  Yeah.  He literally hasn’t aged a day since the 80’s.  Here is an artist’s rendition (note Lionel’s sweet ‘stache):

ANYways, after my fabulous stint as a movie-star-slash-extra-because-I-was-the-only-person-there, I headed down to the lobby bar for a fancy drink and dinner before coming home.

While in the bar, I got approached by a man.

An old man.  I’m not being mean.  He had a cane and could barely stand.  Pants up to armpits.  Like, I was so concerned that he was going to fall over from his weak standing ability that I rushed to get him a chair next to me.  Big mistake.

He talked to me all nice-like for a while about his wife and kids while I tried to eat my dinner.  Since I am a nice person who is unable to be mean, I humoured him for about 20 minutes while trying to eat my fried portobello mushrooms.  Then this:

Old Guy: This is going to sound strange but when I see something I like I just go for it
Me: *awkward smile while eating fried portobellos*
Old Guy: You are so pretty.  I would like to call you some time
Me: *starting to choke on portobellos*
Old Guy: Can I give you my number?
Me: Oh… no… no… that’s ok.
Old Guy: No, I want you to have it.
Me: Oh… no… no… I don’t think so.
Old Guy: Take my number please I really want you to have it.
Me: *awkwardness* Ummm fine ok fine I guess.
Old Guy: *starts writing number and his HAND IS SHAKING SO MUCH FROM OLDNESS THAT HE CAN’T COMPLETE IT* I’ll just tell it to you and you can write it down.
Me: *extreme, powerful awkwardness mixed with pity for old man* Uhh… ok fine.

I then got up to leave in a hyper-rush to get the FUCK out of there.  Seriously, I was like a termite running under the fridge when the light turns on.

Old Guy: I REALLY hope you call me.  Seriously.  I really hope you call me.
Me: *BLURRRRG!!!!*

My hypothesis is that, for some reason, even though I was wearing jeans and motorcycle boots, and was very unattractively eating a plate of fried mushrooms, and even though I mentioned REPEATEDLY that I was there on business and was flying out in a couple of hours, he thought I was a prostitute.

This is the last thing I’m going to say about this.  MAYBE I was mistaken that he thought I was a hooker.  MAYBE he just gave me his number to talk.  However, note that my “he likes me” radar is GROSSLY underdeveloped – I always assume that no guy ever likes me ever, and it is very difficult to convince me otherwise… and here I was 100% convinced that this man had just solicited me for sex.

So this: what kind of fucked-up world is this where a chick can’t eat by herself at a bar in a hotel without a guy assuming she is a prostitute?  This happened to me when I was travelling in Austin, too.  By a similarly old man (the young men do not enjoy me, apparently). Like, I said about 60 times that I was there for work.  WHAT the FUCK.  CHICKS HAVE JOBS.  JOBS THAT AREN’T HOOKING.  THEY NEED TO EAT.

So then I went to the airport and my flight was cancelled.

Till the next morning.  YEAH.  BALLS.

You know what else was balls?  The fact that there was some mystery event or some shit going on in NY and EVERY SINGLE HOTEL ROOM IN THE WORLD was booked.  Seriously.  I called like 20 hotels.

I ended up having to call my boss, who happened to still be in town, and sleep on her room’s pull-out couch for the night.  The end.

Posted in Makes Me Frown, Travel No Comments »


The Beatles – I've Just Seen A Face 45 RPM vinyl by ThatVinylGuy

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Mini-Trip to NY: Day One

Had to whisk off to NYC for a couple of days last week.  I don’t want to milk this too much, but I’m pretty blown away that I have the type of life where I WHISK OFF TO NYC for a couple of days. 

Here is an important thing to know – at the Pearson Starbucks they do not toast their bagels.  So they taste like gluey flavoured pieces of seed-infested dough.


BLURG.

Anyways.  I have acute paranoia about missing flights, so of course I left three hours before I had to take off.  This means that I spent about 2 hours and 45 minutes oscillating between sitting awkwardly pretending to have things to do on my phone at the gate, and wandering to the bathroom.  Hey – did you know that very few people update their Instagram feeds at 6:00 am on a Wednesday?  HA HA HA.  Now you know.

FYI if I have you on facebook I likely stalked the shit out of you that morning.  Don’t be weirded out if I bring up some obscure reference to a photo from party you attended in 2006 the next time we see each other.

The GOOD news about the wait is that I went into the duty free shop and bought some orangey-red lipstick and tried to wear it for my whole trip.  You know, “New York Natalie” styles.

So I was in NY for two days this time instead of one and I happened to have a whole FIVE HOURS at my disposal to go ape-shit in the city and do whatever I wanted all by myself.  It was luxurious.  However, with the scope of things to do in NY being what they are, I concluded that I had to be super anal in order to maximize the enjoyment of my five hours and planned out my route accordingly:

 

Note that the letters are going in the opposite direction of my route.  First, Madewell, of course.  I was obsessive about visiting there because all of my purchases up in the ‘shopping third-world’ of Canada were on-line.  The dress below was tried on for Tami:


NOTE THE ORANGEY-RED LIPSTICK.

Tami – it’s not as nice as I thought it would be… the fabric was like a cheap-ass burlap and the waist made me look like a pregnant Oompa-Loompa.  I wasn’t as blown away with Madewell as I thought I would be. 

Next stop – Levi’s Store.  Bought a pair of boyfriend jeans for $25.00 and a pair of high-waisted waxed black skinnies.

A-Balls had suggested Creatures of Comfort, so I moseyed on over there next.

Granted, everything was gor-ge-ous.  But it was also very very expensive.


Terrariums everywhere.

I had about $200.00 budgeted for shopping, and since the only thing at Creatures that cost less than $200.00 was like, a white undershirt, I didn’t buy anything.

The plan was to head on over to Freemans for a long, luxurious, three-course expensed dinner, but I found a little boutique on the way and bought this shirt:

I love it – all oversized with raw hems and stuff.  I’M SO EDGY. 

Note that two days later in Toronto I found the exact same shirt at a store literally half a mile from my house. 

Anyways, off to Freemans…  down the magical alleyway…  pass by the hipster barber shop where drop-dead gorgeous men cut the hair of other drop-dead gorgeous men…

Oh, hai fancy drink.

Some people hate eating dinner by themselves, but I LOVE IT.  I can order whatever I want and NO ONE CAN JUDGE ME.  Also, I get to people-watch and muse philosophical about why people are at the restaurant and what their lives are like.  Like these guys:

I assumed that they were there on a dinner break from a dress rehearsal of a stage production of Easy Rider.  Obviously.

Freemans was pretty awesome, although not really different from all restaurants in T.O. with the same “antlers on the wall” type vibe.  The bathroom had a gardening wall in it.

Oh, hai cheese plate.

What are those things in the little ramekin?  Why, zombie strawberries, of course.


Braaaains.

Seared Tuna Special with chickpeas and sauteed citrus.  Yes, it was delicious.

Since I get to expense my meals, and since I am a big fatty who enjoys eating food, I also got the Bananas Foster.  HAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA!

I had an early dinner because I am a crotchety old woman, which meant that stores were still open when I left Freemans.  I thought I would wobble over to Opening Ceremony to revel in clothing that was several strata above my price range.

I had about four drinks at dinner, which made me feel invincible as I poked through the racks. 

In my ‘mind’s eye’ I felt as if I was a high class and elegant connoisseur of designers, flipping though the racks with the skill of a fashion editor.

In ‘reality’ I probably looked like a skeezy drunk tripping over racks of expensive designer clothes and touching everything with my grubby hands.

On the way home I decided that a three course meal wasn’t enough to satiate my gorilla-man hunger, and I bought a red velvet cupcake or whatever they’re called.  It fell over in the bag and the icing got all smushed.

Then I decided to take a bath, as I often do when staying in a fancy hotel.

Although I’m sure you are imagining a very sultry and alluring spectacle in which I am in the bath, all bubbly and slick and what-not, in reality it was more like this:

Me eating a messy, melting, fatty-bo-batty cupcake and drinking a cheap-ass beer.

Tomorrow, read on as I get mistaken for a prostitute by an 85-year old man.  The fun never stops.

Posted in Delicious Food, Drunken Observations, Style, Things, Travel 3 Comments »

June 12, 2012

Back on the horse today with my dusty-rose-slash-barfy-brown coloured silk vintage top.  Little known fact – pretty much anything looks better with the sleeves rolled up.  When I bought this it kind of felt slightly frumpy but now it feels all “laid-back-simplistic-cool”.  You know.  Like I’m the editor of a boutique magazine about interior design in New York lofts.  That’s what I feel like when I roll up my silk T-shirt sleeves. 

Also, WHAT ABOUT THAT NECKLACE, right?  RIGHT?  I’ve had about 67 compliments on it after wearing it twice.

You would think that it’s some expensive trendy design, what with all the native engraving and arrows and other trendy items all up on there.  Trendy?  Yes.  Expensive?  Helllllls no.

It was seven dollars at Forever 21.  Go buy that shit now.  But if we’re hanging out together I call dibs on wearing it.

Posted in Outfit A Day No Comments »