May, 2012

May 29, 2012

THIS IS MY NEW FAVOURITE SHIRT.  Anthropologie.  A million dollars.

THIS IS MY NEW FAVOURITE SKIRT.  Goodwill.  Three dollars.

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WHY?


WHY do shoe manufacturers keep making lace-up boots with fucking zippers down the side?  IT INFURIATES ME.  Are people so lazy that you can’t undo four rows of laces then do them back up?  It’s not like you’re wearing thigh-high lace-up boots like they do at steampunk-goth-industrial-raves and you need one hour to undo your damn laces after you get home from the goth dance-party (I assume).  It’s like four lace holes.  JESUS BALLS.

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Swoon.

You all know I am a hopeless, hopeless, hopeless romantic, so this basically was like a knife of happiness in my gut.  Although I know you’ve all probably already seen this, and made comments to your friends about how cheesy it is, I’m posting it.  Deal with it.

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Lazy Sunday

Went to P-Hops’ place (well, P-Hops’ and Franc’s place now…) for a BBQ as a “joining together of our stuff into one place”-type housewarming celebration thingie.  They set everything up so nicely and the food was deelishious.  Unfortunately I was raging hungover because apparently I don’t realize I should probably become a responsible adult like everyone else, and I was out until 3:00 am the night before challenging 200 pound men to drinking contests.   However, the delicious hot dogs and salad were just the cure for my morning after “I-want-to-die-itis”.

These two are officially the cutest in the world.

It was a very laid back afternoon, mostly because everyone there was so, you know… laid back.

How cute are these guys?  Little candid shot of them being all private and smiley together. 

Oh Pam.  How I wish I could wear short shorts like you do.

Holden was there, being bad-ass with his truck.  There was some concern that we had accidentally gotten him drunk on the “beer battered onion” in the potato salad… results were inconclusive.  But he was definitely enjoying livin’ life.

Freak-o hairless cat kept a close eye on us from the second-floor window, where the other tenants live.  Everyone was giving freak-o cat a hard time because of his freakishness, but I feel bad for him.  It’s not his fault he’s a freak.

Anyhoo, after my two hot dogs, multiple servings of salad, and a freezee, I went back home to collapse and continue recovering from my epic hangover while watching Game of Thrones.  Molly joined in.

DID ANYONE SEE THE EPISODE LAST NIGHT?  MEGA-HUUUUUGE!!!   Holy fuck I love that show.

Posted in Canines, Delicious Food, Drunken Observations, Randomness 1 Comment »

May 25, 2012

Today’s outfit is balls so I’m showing Friday’s.  Wearing kelly green pants on your thighs is like taking a big magnifying glass and putting it on your thighs and sayin “LOOK AT MY THIGHS”.  Whatever.  Who am I trying to impress with my thighs anyways.  No one.  That’s who.

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it’s been a long cold lonely winter

The long weekend was caliente to the extreme, and I think it’s safe to say that summer is totally, completely, officially here. 

I think we all knew this was going to happen, but TB park was so saturated with people it looked like a hipster refugee camp.  So of course I got all gussied in my wannabe Amy Winehouse doo-rag, retro Vuarnet France-esque tank,  and new Supers, and sat in the sun with some girls and one special little guy.

  

I also spent some time drunk and passed out with wet hair at a pool while smoking cigars and accidentally taking unflattering “forgot my iPhone camera was set to the side facing me”  pictures of myself with a crinkle-neck.

 

Apparently my deck is a perfect sunbathing spot.  Why?  Because it is basically bathed in full “center-of-the-sun” level heat for 10 hours straight.  Things got a little hot.

Molly wanted to be one of the girls and got her tan on.

THEN THIS HAPPENED:

It’s too hot.

Also spent time gardening.  About three hours.  And barely anything looks changed. 

WHY did I work in the garden for three hours with minimal results?  Mostly because of these stupid, small clover-weed things.   ARGH!  They are such little bitches.  You have to sit on your knees and pull out each little damn mini-clover plant by hand for HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS.  I hate them so much.

Although these peonies have me plottzing with excitement…

Molly had a tough weekend because the new place doesn’t have air conditioning… I think I’m going to have to get a window-mounted one for the bedroom because she is totally listless and unhappy in the heat.  However, she did meet a new boyfriend neighbour on holiday Monday.  These two spent a scandalous amount of time rolling around and presenting their private parts to each other in doggie ecstasy.

Posted in Canines, Drunken Observations, Housey Stuff, Parkdale Fun No Comments »

May 24, 2012

I bought this silk skirt from Madewell like a year ago. Then, when it came in the mail, I realized I’m a fatso and it was too small.

Basically I’m a size X, and this skirt was a size X – 2.

So last week I used my noodle and I moved the waist button over a couple of inches, and now look at me. I’m a size X – 2!

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after all the sin we’ve had


Neil Young – Cowgirl In The Sand by thegonedu69

Posted in Favorite Things, Musicality, Wisdom No Comments »

May 23, 2012

This silk Joe Fresh shirt is truly outrageous.  Truly, truly, truly outrageous.  

Seriously, though, I love it.

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Suprise Dong Birthday

** NB: Depending on your work, this might be NSFW… if your work is “inflatable-dong-adverse”.

Lots of big birthdays have been coming up for friends and one was hosted at my place a couple of weekends ago… I just got around to uploading the pics yesterday, so I thought I would tell the tale of The Surprise Dong Birthday.

So Brad was turning 30, and his wife (and me) thought it would be fun for him (and me) to hold a “Dirty Thirty” surprise party.  This involved trips to the Stag Shop and Dollarstore for a collection of dong-related paraphernalia to use as both decor and “costuming” for when people would be drunk enough to let their hair down.  Can I just say that I am blown away with the amount of dong-related items that are available for purchase?  Dongs have a huge foothold in the “nude-body-parts-made-into-hilarious-decorations” market.

So first, we all waited secretly in my kitchen getting drunk on my bourbon lemonade.  I was a bit of a crazy maniac and kept “shussh-ing” people incessantly.  Surprise parties stress me out.

Then Brad came in and was actually… surprisingly… surprised.

Here is his party shirt:

 We got him an ice cream cake, which he apparently doesn’t like.

Things were tame for a little while…

Then people got more comfortable with each other. 

In the end, we basically threw a bachelorette party for Brad.  HOWEVER, it was soon revealed that guys are more than happy to play with inflatable dongs all night.  In fact, I believe the dong-related shenanigans were exclusive to the men.

FYI – as a planning tool for your next dong-related event… I had the foresight to hang a whole bunch of inflatable dongs at face-level to get the party going.  It was an effective means of loosening people up.  They also resulted in hilarious photos where the aperture would only catch the glowing dong in focus in the foreground.  I also used “fore” twice in that sentence without making a foreskin joke.

I also spent some time buying costumes and props to set up a “photo wall” where people could get all drunk and dressed up and take photos with dong-headpieces and what not.  Unfortunately for you, only a couple of people participated.

Fortunately for you, one of them was Amanda.

Posted in Crafty Crafts, Randomness 3 Comments »