So I’ve been going nuts with decor items, etc. for my new place.  I am so totally obsessed with mid-century antiquing that it’s a little scary.  BUT, I’ve been able to score some AMAZING things.  Most of them needed a bit of work, but that’s the BEST PART!

Arc Lamp Redux

Ok, first.  Remember my arc lamp?  It’s still everything that I hoped it would be, but I was becoming disillusioned with the drop shade.  It has this little crack in it, and I didn’t like the white amateur plastic-y look to it, and there were small holes for this filter part that was missing and every time I looked at the light I saw the holes… did I mention I’m anal and I become obsessed with things until they are corrected?

Yeah, so I spent about 3 weeks obsessively looking for a replacement shade.  FYI – it is almost impossible to find replacement shades for arc lamps that aren’t:

1. Sold separately from an actual lamp, making them expensive, and therefore, stupid;
2. So heavy that my arc lamp would droop to the ground like a flaccid wiener; or
3. Have an opening big enough for the light socket so that I don’t have to re-wire the whole friggen lamp.

After an arduous search, I thought that I would have to buy a whole light from West Elm, and just chuck everything but the shade.  BUT THEN… because I’m such a good internetter, I found a smoked acrylic globe shade on craigs.  I AM SO GOOD AT EVERYTHING.

Only problem was that the hole at the top of the shade was about the size of my pinky and I needed it to be about the girth of… well… you know… a light socket.  So I had to buy a file, and FILE DOWN THE INSIDE OF THE HOLE for about 90 minutes to make it big enough.

But, because I am obsessive and always get what I want, it worked!  Now I have a super-cool smoked 70′s shade!  I also bought one of those half-mirror light bulbs to reflect the glare of the light.  SO COOL AND INDUSTRIAL.  I am the best.

Bathroom Towel Holder Thingie

My bathroom has all this brand new wainscotting (or however you spell it), and I needed a hand towel rack, but didn’t want to ruin the wainscotttininigng.  So I decided to be brilliant.

In case you didn’t know, the Ikea “Grundtal” half-size towel holder is the exact length of the Ikea ”Hemnes” dresser side-frame.  DOES ANYONE ELSE KNOW THIS?  Probably not, due to my awesomeness.

So I mounted that shit onto the side of that shit. 

IT IS EXACT.

Now I have a little multi-use dresser-towel-holder multi-purpose thing!!!!!!

Teak Mid-Century Chair Re-Upholstery

I LOVE TEAK.  If I could live in a house made entirely of teak, mid-century furniture, I would die of orgasmic happiness.

Which is why I almost died of orgasmic happiness when I managed to score this teak armchair off craigs for about one third the price I saw it at an antique store last month.

I mean, HOW BEAUTIFUL IS THIS THING?  The sappy, golden colour of the wood, the old tension strapping, the curved arms, the low, low, lowie nature of the seat?  SIGH!

Only problem is it needed new cushions.  PROJECT!

Since I was putting it in my office with my new neon chevron painting, I wanted something really loud and bright.  I tried Designer Fabrics on Queen first, but then I realized that I wasn’t a millionaire, so I went to a discount fabric place and found some siiiiiick hot pink upholstery fabric, and managed to score some upholstery foam down the street.

First step – cut the foam to size…

Then cut the upholstery, leaving a 1/2 inch per side for seams… THEN SEW THAT SHIT.

Turn it inside out, stuff in the foam, and do an invisible stitch to close up the pillow, and it’ all BEAUTIFUL and perfect:

I haven’t decided if I’m going to do the back cushion, because I even like the look of the slatted teak in the back, but she already looks gorgeous with her bum pillow in place…

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!  Do you like my “contrasting” poo-green throw?  SO FANCY I TELLS YA!

Incidentally, Molly was NOT happy that I was sewing my cushion all night and she couldn’t sleep on my lap.  She gave me the “zombie-face”, which is basically when she’s so tired that she stands really close to you (like, centimeters from your face) and looks at you intensely until you let her sleep on your lap.  It’s pretty awesome.

ZOMBIE-FACE!

Speaking of Molly and mid-century decor items, I recently picked up a shag rug for the office, and I discovered that she is totally and completely obsessed with shag.  She had a gross snort-party on it and rubbed herself on it for about 45 minutes.  She’s a little mid-century slut, just like me.

Ok so, I know I’m usually really self-deprecating and all, but I think I look pretty good today.  I bought this silk shift dress in Shanghai and it just skims the ol’ butt perfectly, without any sausage-casingy-ness, and it’s just short enough so that I don’t feel like a damn druid.

Friday was fun, mostly because I was BAD-ASS and decided to wear my horrible, horrible Winger T-Shirt to go see Queens Players.

For those of you who have not heard Winger, they are awful:

Is this song about statuatory rape? 

For those of you who have not heard of Queens Players, it is awesome.  It’s basically a skit comedy show in a bar with a bunch of drinking and kareoke and poutine.  Yes.  It is the best of all worlds, smashed together into a drunken perfect-storm.

Pam and I independantly decided to be super grungy and both wear horrble heavy metal shirts with plaid.  It was SO EMBARRASSING.

Pam and I have this word that we invented called “Mlashing”.  You know when you see a group of chicks walking down the street, and they are basically wearing the EXACT same thing?  Like, uggs, skinny jeans, and a fucking Ed Hardy T-Shirt (for example)?  They fucking match-clash.  They are SO similar, that it is actually jarring to my brain, so they are actually clashing.  It’s called mlashing.  COINED THAT SHIT.

Anyways, Pam and I were hardcore mlashing.  So much so that we felt really awkward standing next to each other in the sea of Queen’s University uggs and skinny jeans and Ed Hardy T-Shirts.

Later on that night, I went to Tami & Rob’s place, where I was:

1. Wishing Robbie a happy birthday; and
2. Congratulating them on their engagement!  YEY!

I also met Walter, Matt’s new puppy, who is the cutest guy on Earth.  Molly and him had some wrestles, and SOMEBODY peed on the bed while everyone was downstairs.  I like to think it was Walter.  Hopefully.  I really hope.

Even though I got home at like 3:00 am, AND ate an entire Quarter Pounder Combo with 6 Chicken McNuggs on the side at 3:01 am, I got up early on Saturday.

WHY?

Because I am suddenly an old woman and needed to get my tulip bulbs in the ground before the first frost came. Yes.  That is my current level of super-coolness.

Yes, it’s true.  The bulbs at Loblaws SuperCentre were on sale for half-price, so I bought about 75 of them.

I had to plant them in bunches of 3 because I bought too many.  Is that bad?

FYI, it is really hard to plant 75 bulbs in an area that is about 2 feet square.  I’m pretty sure I killed a bunch of them by accidentally re-digging them up to plant new ones…

Incidentally, did you know that tulip bulbs smell like little delicious onions?  Because my tulip bulbs smelled like little delicious onions.  And I really wanted to cut one up and sautee it and eat it and see if it tasted like a little delicious onion.  But I didn’t because that would be weird.

Speaking of weird, later on that day, I came dangerously close to buying a suede vest with SUPER FRINGE all over it, and little beads all strung to it.  

It was one of those pieces that I had seen on some really hot, skinny chick in the summer who was wearing it with cut off jean shorts that were so short that her ass cheek was grossly jiggling out when she walked.  But because she was skinny and pretty, guys were all foaming at the mouth around her, so OBVIOUSLY I had to try and emulate her.

At first I was like: “Do I look all hot like that hot chick in the summer with the jiggle-ass?”

And then I was like “No.  No you do not.  You look like a hipster Pochahontas with a fat ass.”

Really, I didn’t really try today.  I’m feeling lazy and depressed. 

The only thing that it good about my outfit is the wicked-cool vintage de Passille Sylvestre enamel and steel pendant from 1980 that a fellow vintage/antique dealer dug up for me.  It’s so amazing.  I love it. It’s like a sun with a bunch of sticks on the bottom.  SO EDGY!

In case you care, here it is.

I have to dress up a little bitty bit today because I’m going to some awards dinner tonight, due to my “Being A Big Deal”-ness.  But it’s like kinda Corporate-y, so I can’t wear anything too dressy and feminine, and I would rather gouge my eye out with a ladle than wear a black suit, so this is my alternative.

I like to think it’s appropriate, but kinda trendy, and kinda different.

My only concern is this:

Place hand on hip naturally… perfect.  Not pose-y at all.

The theme of this week is “Joe Fresh is fucking awesome”.  I’m sorry if people think I’m a loser for buying clothing in a grocery store, but Joe Fresh is fucking awesome.

That poppy-red sweater yesterday?  Joe Fresh. This merino wool dolman-sleeve sweater?  Joe Fresh.  The white sheer turtleneck?  Joe Fresh.

They are designing good basics, in good materials, with good cuts, in good colours.  WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DO YOU NEED?  Nothing.  The fucking awesomeness of Joe Fresh has you covered.

Also, check out my vintage native turquoise necklace.  I’m so edgy.  SO EDGY I TELL YOU!

Ok, so having a house with bare walls is a blessing and a curse.

FIRST, it’s a curse for someone like me, who CANNOT leave things un-done.  I must have everything completed immediately.  Also, once I want something, I must have it immediately.  It’s my “crazy-bitch” nature.  I gotta have it.

SECOND, it’s a blessing, because it gives me the opportunity to be creative and allow my ‘super-cool and interesting’ core-persona to be reflected in the things I choose to buy and create.  Because how else can people see how cool I am, other than the things I purchase?  I mean, COME ON.

Anyways, so I’m pretty stoked about some of the pieces I’m in the process of putting together for my house.  My “art idea” for the bathroom is so exciting to me, that I get all jiggly just thinking about it.  I’ll update you when it’s all up and installed and pretty.

However, my kitchen is being a bum-licking dink bag problem.  I CAN’T find anything that suits the space right now.  It’s basically a big space, over the countertop and to one side of the room… under some track lighting…

My first thought was to take this historical map I have and cut it up and put it into a bunch of frames that slide across that one wall onto the side wall.  Then I realized that would look like poo.

I’m really into Toronto history and all… and now that I’m living in this old house, so I thought I would try to find some old pictures.  I decided to look through the City of Toronto Photo Archives.

Then I found out that THE CITY OF TORONTO ARCHIVES IS THE COOLEST THING EVER.

You can basically search any word and find a bunch of pictures from like 1885 that are scanned, FULL SIZE, and you can just save those mofos and print them out FOR FREE.

At first, I wanted to find a bunch of mug shots of Toronto women, with their crime identified… like I saw some in some museum a while back and I thought it was so cool, because women were arrested for like “elopement”, and “indecency”, but also for like “grand larceny”… anyways, I thought it would be really interesting to print them off and do like a line of mug shots around the kitchen.

So I searched for “mugshot” and “mug shot” and “mug” and “shot” and “criminal” and “crime” and “arrest”… nothing.  Then I searched “police”, and some wicked stuff came up, including this beauty:

No big deal, just hanging out with some nude boys.

Incidentally, I found out that when you search “police”, you find a bunch of pictures of the “Miss Toronto” pageant… which seemed to be sponsored by the Toronto Police Department.  Does that sketch anyone else out?  Because it totally sketches me out.

No?  It’s not sketchy that the police department sponsors a beauty contest?

HOW ABOUT NOW.  That guy is mega-creeping and it’s sketching me out.  Damn police. 

Incidentally, I discovered through my search that there is an exhibit going on right now that features historic mug shots at York University called “Arresting Images“.  I’m going to try to go see it before it closes shop.

ANYWAYS, as much as I’d like to feature historical pictures of policemen with nude boys and policemen creeping on young women in bathing suits, I decided to change direction and started looking up street names, to see if there were some interesting historical pictures of streets in the area.

Honestly, this shit is awesome.  I got lost for like, an hour looking through it all.  It is SO COOL seeing streets before they got all developed and built and re-built… I pulled some awesome ones from my area, and went on google maps for a quick “before and after”:

Queen Street West, looking south from Triller Avenue:

BEFORE (taken in 189?):

AFTER:

King, Queen and Roncy Intersection, looking East from Queen:

BEFORE (taken in 1928):

AFTER:

Dowling at Laxton, looking South:

BEFORE (taken in 1927)

AFTER:

So I super stoked now and can’t wait to put all this shit together and make a wicked-cool “old Toronto” installation in my kitchen.  I’ll send you an update when it’s all complete!!

I may be behind the times in posting this, but this is awesome… yanked it off someone’s facebook post last night.

Irina Werning is an Argentinian photographer who has been putting together an on-going series of photographs called ‘Back to the Future’, which basically takes old photographs and recreates them with the same person at a much later date.  Wicked.  Cool.  Is it bad that I have an intense desire to copy her and do some pics of my own “Natalie Past”?  I might.  Stay tizzuned.

You should check out her Damned and Beautiful stuff, too.

COMING SOON -