January, 2011

I am Musical. For Real.

So, as mentioned in one of my earlier posts, one of my New Years Resolutions is to play an open mic at some point this year. I’ve only ever done it once, in University, and I’m pretty sure I was so nervous that I dry heaved into the microphone for half of the time and sucked largely the rest of the time, so I don’t really have high expectations. HOWEVER, to ensure that I don’t completely embarrass myself, I thought I should at least practice for a couple of months prior to my big debut.

I shelled out a whole bunch of cash to get some lessons at the Toronto Institute for the Enjoyment of Music. They seem to be pretty professional, and they are spitting distance from my place, so they get my business. My first lesson is tonight, and I’m already feeling like a total poser – the instructor asked me which types of music I like and what I would like to learn, and I’m already self-conscious. I mean, I’m thinking that someone who is a music instructor by profession would have pretty wicked-cool and sophisticated musical taste, so I am totally nervous that my musical taste will suck and he’ll go into the back break room or whatever with all the other musical instructors and says “That poser-y chick wants to learn how to play XYZ”, and they’ll all laugh.

Plus, my “on-sale-for-half-price-in-1994-at-Sears” guitar is totally out of tune and is probably the worst instrument that this guy has ever seen, and he’ll go into the back with all the other musical instructors and say “That poser-y chick is playing on a guitar from SEARS!”, and they’ll all laugh.

BUT, I’ve decided that this is Natalie’s year of ‘not giving a ball-sack what other people think’, so I’m going to trudge down there with my Sears guitar and my horrible musical taste and learn the hell out of this shit. Then I’m going to perform a mediocre open-mic at Starbucks or some junk like that, and I’m pretty sure I’ll feel AWESOME about it. Even though it will likely be embarrassing and the musical instructors in the audience will be like “That poser-y chick has horrible taste in music and I’m pretty sure that guitar is from Sears.” And laugh with their friends.

I WILL say that my awesome friends have been very supportive of my mediocrity, especially my super-awesome friend Neal, who reads my blog regularly (*blush*) and who, upon learning that I was picking up the ol’ guitar again, made me a gift.

Essentially, he found all the guitar tabs he uses for all his favorite songs and complied them into a, like, 200 PAGE library of awesomeness.

 

And, to make it even more tear-jerkingly awesome, he put on a blog-themed title page that definitely makes me smile:

While I’m practicing, I’m going to be imagining Hayden being all acoustic and romantic and shit, teaching me how to play guitar:

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…sit right down and make me smile

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with somebody who loooooves me!

 
If I have a marriage like this when I’m older, I’ll be pretty frigging happy…

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Deep Thoughts That I Thoughted Tonight

“Isn’t it weird that your body can breakdown and process all these, like, complex foods like apples, pepperoni sticks, and like egg-white omelettes and shit, but your body can’t breakdown and process hair? Because there’s a hair sticking out of Molly’s bum.”

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Favorite Thing This Week

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Fun Overdose

 

Those of you who have had the pleasure of witnessing Molly and Olive together know that they are weirdly and obsessively mental around each other.  Like, they CANNOT calm down and relax.  This happens to the point of total and complete exhaustion.  The past couple of days, Pam’s been away and I’ve been looking after both dogs while trying to complete work, blog updates, Jersey Shore marathons, etc.  Tonight I think things reached a climax…

First, a MENTAL “hello” when I walked in the door:

Then, as I was trying to make dinner, another freak out in the living room…

 

Freak out in the hall again…

So then, I finally get my pathetic frozen dinner-for-one all defrosted, pour myself a single glass of wine, and sit down to the first episode of the Thursday night Jersey Shore marathon…

…when Olive gets so excited and simultaneously tired that she blows chunks all over the couch:
 

Thennnnn, I go to get some paper towel to clean up the barf, and I come back to the living room and both Molly and Olive have their paws and noses on the coffee table and are consuming my lean cuisine.  Sigh.  So then I think “Maybe I can bribe these crazy-ass mental crazies with some treats…” so I make a kong with a little treat hidden inside.  Look how the little fuckers turned into angels as soon as they heard the treat bag a-rustlin’ (please excuse my bright yellow socks):

But then, I realize that there is only one kong and the two freakos go mental trying to get the kong off each other… Molly turned into the chick from The Exorcist:

 

Time passes, time passes… and I think “Hey, maybe you can relax and enjoy the rest of the night!”  Then, I hear some suspicious silence in the bedroom… I go in to investigate… and see this:

Ya.  That’s some pee.  All over Pam’s duvet.

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Composure Returns…

Look at yourself… you’re not much use to anyone…

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So. Much. Love.

The long, cold winter days have rekindled my desire to become an amateur photographer.  Thankfully, I have an adorable and willing subject:

  

      

  

 

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How to Tell if You Suck

1. When you do anything, the first thing you think of is:
a) Yourself
b) Yourself
c) The effect your decisions have on those around you
d) Yourself

Answer Key: If your answer isn’t c), you SUCK

2. If you have something difficult to say to someone, you:
a) Avoid them at all costs with the hope that “it will pass” and you will never have to deal with it ever
b) Tell them that whatever it is is their fault and that they should be ashamed of themselves
c) Be normal and confront things honestly like a normal person in a normal way like a normal person would do
d) Bring up something that happened years ago and scream about it to their face in an effort to mask the difficult issue that you have to confront

Answer Key: If your answer isn’t c), you SUCK

3. When you see my adorable, passive dog in the elevator, you
a) Shy away from her like she is a Tyrannosaurus Rex with bloody teeth instead of a ten pound dog who wants to kiss you
b) Say hello to her

Answer Key: If your answer isn’t b), you SUCK

4. Your favorite movie is:
a) The Transporter
b) The Transporter 2
c) Crank
d) 2 Fast 2 Furious
e) None of the above

Answer Key: If your answer isn’t e), you SUCK

5. If you tell someone that you will call them tomorrow, you:
a) Don’t call them
b) Message them on facebook chat then go offline immediately so that they can’t respond
c) Call them when you know that they are at work or busy then leave a message and turn your phone off for the rest of the night
d) Call them

Answer Key: If your answer isn’t d), you SUCK

6. When your face is in its “natural state” it looks like:
a) Stank face
b) You are judging everyone around you
c) You smell poo
d) A faint smile as if you are happy with your life and those around you

Answer Key: If your answer isn’t d), you SUCK

7. When you go to a bar, you hit on:
a) The blond girl with the nice tits and the stank face
b) The brunette girl with the nice tits and the stank face
c) The redhead with the nice tits and the stank face
d) The girl in the corner who is nice and funny and isn’t a huge attention-whore

Answer Key: If your answer isn’t d), you SUCK

8. Your favourite subject of discussion is:
a) The amount of money you make at work
b) The cost of your leather shoes from Italy
c) The cost of the dinner that you just ate at Splendido
d) Life, love, art, philosophy, humour, your flaws, your family, and world issues

Answer Key: If your answer isn’t d), you SUCK

9. When you get the bill at a restaurant, you:
a) Tip the server 50 cents
b) Complain about the food and tell the server you a disgusted with them and demand to see the manager
c) Tip the server a generous amount with the knowledge that tips are their livelihood and they are paid below minimum wage to essentially be your servant for 2 hours
d) Leave them 10 dollars worth of dimes, nickels and pennies

Answer Key: If your answer isn’t c), you SUCK

10. When your friend is going through a tough time, you:
a) Make new friends to avoid them
b) Complain about how YOUR life is so TOUGH and THEY should be helping YOU
c) Listen to them and help them through it
d) Get really drunk at the bar and start taking your top off so that your friend has to put all of her troubles aside to make sure some random guy doesn’t rape you

Answer Key: If your answer isn’t c), you SUCK

11. When you are at a bar with your friends, you:
a) Expect men to buy you drinks all night
b) Flirt with the bartender so that he will give you free drinks
c) Wear a short skirt and a low shirt so that guys will buy you drinks all night
d) Buy your own fucking drinks like an independent person who has her own money

Answer Key: If your answer isn’t d), you SUCK

12. If you know a girl likes you, you:
a) Avoid her
b) Spread rumours about her
c) Are honest and up front about your feelings for her
d) Make fun of her behind her back

Answer Key: If your answer isn’t c), you SUCK

13. When you have a problem, you:
a) Whine and expect someone else to solve it for you
b) Make it your facebook status to get a lot of attention
c) Discreetly handle it with some help from your close friends
d) Groan that God has made you a victim and you always have problems and you are so hard-done-by over, and over, and over again

Answer Key: If your answer isn’t c), you SUCK

14. Honestly… this is the best test… when you do anything, the first thing you think of is:
a) Yourself
b) Yourself
c) The effect your decisions have on those around you
d) Yourself

Answer Key: If your answer isn’t c), you SUCK

Posted in Makes Me Frown, Randomness 1 Comment »

Ob-sess-ed

I am fucking OBSESSED with Hooded Fang. They are awesome. Listen to them. Feel happy. Make out with someone.

HOODED FANG – Mutant Bear from Mitch Fillion (southernsouls.ca) on Vimeo.

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