This weekend I went to a wedding out in Puslinch that was gorgeous, and I was fortunate enough to bring my camera along for some pics.  Rob and Marissa had their wedding out on a huge piece of gorgeous farmland under a tent.

The wedding was adorable… they had a brillant bird theme that ran through everything… from the birdseed favours to the little nests and eggs on the tables.  So gorgeous.

The morning after, we came by the tent early to help out with the “morning after” brunch.  We were the first ones there… and fortunately for us, the caterers left the candy table still intact.  MMmmmmmm.   Rainbow licorice for breakfast…

Brunch was delicious, of course… Rob’s sister is a chef who used to work for Canadian Living… no big deal.  Three gourmet meals in 48 hours.  I’m a big swinging dick, obviously.

Anyhoo… we were like 200 yards away from Aberfoyle Antique Market and I almost plottzed in my pants waiting to head over.  I have been jonesing to go there ALL summer, and for some reason, fate had explosive diarrhea in my face each time.  I was resolved to get over there, so at around 1 pm… the clouds parted… heaven smiled down on me… and we arrived.

THINGS I WANT

Aaaaahhhhh!  Printer’s blocks!  So many printer’s blocks I plottzed:

An AMAZING bodyform in fantastic condition:

AND… the most amazing, exquisite, fantastic, piece that I saw there was this antique library catalogue.  I AM SO PISSED at myself for not buying it.  I’m going back next weekend and picking it up.  No body buy it or I will hunt you down and kick you in the nuts/box/what-have-you.

So anyways, it was awesome.  I leave you with a variety of pictures of freaky dolls.  There was a really high “Freaky Doll Quotient” (FDQ) at Aberfoyle… freak… me… out:

Ummmmmmmmmmm.  This is the best thing that has happened to me in about a month.  Seeing this.

Dear Chick Who Rode in the Elevator with Me This Morning,

Just because you put a blazer over your micro-miniskirt and titty-top doesn’t mean it’s business-appropriate.  I’m one jiggly elevator ride away from seeing your nipples, and it’s terrifying.  Here is my hypothesis for why you are deluded enough to think that your outfit is proper business-attire:

1. You work at Ashley Madison.  Although I have never worked at Ashley Madison, nor have I known or met anyone who works at Ashley Madison, I would assume that the dress code is as such: 

“Ashley Madison strives to project an image of professionalism that rivals an American Apparel ad and/or a low budget porn convention.  Acceptable items of clothing include: Fredrick’s of Hollywood bustier tops with titty-tassles, rubber catsuits, black pleather thigh-high boots with 7-inch goth heels, bumless pantyhose, and crotchless panties worn over hot pink wide-gauge fishnet tights.”

2. This is your first job ever and it’s your first day on the job so no one has told you what’s appropriate in the workplace and you love going to C Lounge and you have a date at C Lounge right after work at 5:05 pm and you don’t have time to go home and change into your slutty C Lounge outfit.

3. You have the hots for one of the guys you work with and you have no personality, so you are depending on the shadow of your nipple to attract him from across the break room.

Basically, you will never, ever, ever be taken seriously at work.  Unless you work at Ashley Madison.  In which case I’m sure you will rise through the ranks like a dink rising at the sight of a nipple shadow.

Love, Natalie

For those of you who are “on-the-fence” about your opinion of Christian Slater in the late 80′s, I present you with the following arguement.

Christian Slater in the late 80′s was the coolest, sexiest man on earth.  Let’s use this scene from one of my top-5 movies of all time, “Heathers” as the body of this argument.  Note Winona’s ridiculous blazer:

Now, the problem with being hot and sexy and suddenly popular, is that you get an offer to do other movies that SEEM like they might be cool, but then they become “Gleaming the Cube”.  He looks like a total dinkus in this movie, and the movie is TOTALLY AWFUL.  Oh yeah.  I bought it when I was like 12 and all pre-pubescently obsessed with Slicked-Haired Slatey.  It really, really sucks.  I think you can kind of tell when a middle aged man is doing a cheesy voice-over in the trailer… it’s not really going to be a socially poignant image of teenage angst:

Last week was a very busy and important week at work. After a chill Monday making delicious veggie burgers with pals, I walked to work on Tuesday visualizing the following:

Me, all successful-like, with some important people looking at the material I presented thinking: “That Natalie girl is so totally smart and full of pith and vinegar.  I’m so impressed with her ability to distill complex data into compressed and sound recommendations.  Let’s promote her.”

This is what actually happened:

Me, screaming in professional agony.

Let’s try to forget about my horrible, horrible week and focus on the delicious veggie burgers that I consumed on holiday Monday.  Here is the delicious recipe that I amended from Eatsy!

Ingredients:
1 plump clove of garlic, smashed and peeled
1 1/2 cup chick peas
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/2 cup, parsley leaves, plus their stems
1/2 medium red onion, chopped fine
1/4 cup hemp sees and sesame seeds
1/4 cup zucchini, chopped fine
1 cup israeli couscous, cooked
1/2 cup red qunoa, cooked
2 eggs
1/2 cup bread crumbs
1/4 teaspoon cayenne
Dash of Tabasco sauce
Juice of 1/2 lemon
Salt and pepper

Instructions:

Place the chick peas, garlic and olive oil in a food processor fitted with a blade attachment. Puree until uniform and completely smooth. Transfer the chick pea puree to a large mixing bowl and add the remaining ingredients. Mix well to thoroughly combine.

With clean hands, form six patties out of the mixture and set them aside to rest for at least 10 minutes. Don’t make them patties too thick or they’ll be hard to flip and will crack (mine totally cracked into a million pieces, but they still tasted dee-lishious).

Add a good amount of olive oil to a large skillet, enough to amply cover the base, and set it over medium-high heat. Once hot, lay the patties into the pan. Lower the heat to medium and cook until golden brown, about 3-4 minutes. Flip and sear the other side, until golden brown, an additional 3-4 minutes.

Serve veggie burgers on a platter with grilled bread, foccacia or buns and your choice of fixins!  I added tomato, onion and avocado!!!

Someone else I know posted this on facebook, and I totally stole it. 

I may be dating myself here… but remember Napster?  Yeah.  Remember when people started getting kicked off Napster because of copyright laws?  Yeah.

While other people were getting kicked off Napster for downloading Metallica and other somewhat acceptable things… I got kicked off Napster when I was 18 years old for downloading too much… Roy Orbison.  Yeah.  You would THINK that I’m making this up to be all funny and shit.  But the sad truth is, I am not.  I would sit in my residence room in first year, downloading “Cryin’” by Roy Orbison.  At 18 years old.  Yes.  Coolest chick in the world.

You can imagine how totally cool I felt when I was in the residence common room, and everyone was like “Yo, I totally got kicked off Napster for downloading a totally modern, cool, heavy-metal song”, and I was like “Dude that SUUCKS. I was totally kicked off last night for downloading “Blue Bayou“, which is a song from the 60′s about a guy who left his baby behind in a utopian bayou plantation down south”.

But whatever.  Roy Orbison is totally and completely awesome and you love him.  Now, for your listening pleasure… from yet another site that has issues with copyright laws… is my favourite Roy Orbison song.  Sigh.  In Dreams:

Tier One:  Coffee Time
Audience:13-Year Olds who are too young to get into the local rave.
Item of Choice: Black gasoline coffee with 17 sugars
Prime Time: 7pm to Curfew (usually 9:45 pm)

Tier Two:  Country Style
Audience: Creepy men who sit on the Country Style Patio for hours on end ogling the Queen West hipster girls
Item of Choice: 3-day old salami sandwich loosely wrapped in saran wrap
Prime Time: ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT

Tier Three:Tim Horton’s
Audience: Your Mom
Item of Choice: Medium Double-Double and those Chocolate Chip Muffins with the big sugar granules on top
Prime Time: Early Morning and “after Mummy and Me Yoga Classes”

Tier Four: Starbucks
Audience: Yuppies with frosted tips
Item of Choice: Grande Five-Pump Sugar-Free-Vanilla, Non-Fat, Extra Foam Americano Misto
Prime Time: Before the Really Important Sales Meeting

Tier Five: Independant Toronto Coffee Shops
Audience:People who are too cool for other coffee shops. Plus they wear vintage clothes that are re-sold at 400% retail value in a boutique on Ossington.
Item of Choice: Organic Saffron Gluten-Free Scone with locally-sourced bone marrow glaze  AND a coffee made with a one-of-a-kind french press that is only manufactured in the bowels of the underground North Korean anti-communist movement.
Prime Time: 11:30 am – 2:00 pm (i.e. when artists, musicians, and bartenders wake up)

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I really, really want to cut super heavy blunt bangs.  However, as mentioned in previous posts, my potato nose and bum chin present some aesthetic challenges.

Argument to cut bangs -
Super hot chick who kind of looks like me but hotter and has bangs:

Argument to NOT cut bangs -
Brunette Skipper: