Outfit A Day

July 25, 2013

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I call this my “fat dress” because you can wear it when you are fat and look less fat.

FYI this is an indispensable piece of clothing to own, as it prevents you from wanting to slit your wrists the day after you have eaten about two full wheels of cheese and a bottle of wine and the scale tells you you’ve gained seven pounds in 24 hours.

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July 19, 2013

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This dress is too low in the front for work.  I learned this because at least four times today I noticed that I was flashing everyone.  Also, I think it might be see-through, but I can’t tell because every mirror I look in has really crappy light.  I need like, a giant portable mirror that I can take into the daylight and do lunges in front of to determine whether my underwear is visible.  Alas, I have no such mirror.

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July 15, 2013

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Pretty soon my “Girlish-Girl-in-a-Girly-Skirt” outfits will run out and I’ll have to go back to wearing mannish pants and stuff, but I’m still running strong with girlishness this week.

At least upping the girly factor on my clothes helps neutralize the mannishness on my face, which people say is a figment of my imagination. I am convinced that I look like a man in a wig at all times.  EXCEPT WHEN I WEAR GIRLY SKIRTS.

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July 11, 2013

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Continuing with this “uber uber girly” trend…

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July 10, 2013

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I’ve been pressured into doing outfit a day again, which is probably a good thing because I have been dressing like a Midwestern soccer mom-slash-obese recluse lately.

I’ve decided I don’t dress girly enough, so here I am.  A girl.  Poufy skirt and peep-toe shoes all that shizz. Ta da.

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May 12, 2013

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Outfit a Day is back on, baby.

…mostly because I’ve been dressing like a fat Druid-slash-80’s-Mom, which is like my two fashion nightmares colliding into a neutron star of hate.

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This dress is from H&M which means that it is a slight bit too stretchy and a slight bit too low in the chestular region.  Solution – scarf.

I think it turned out pretty well if I do say so myself.

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March 27, 2013

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First time wearing my Missoni Orange Label vintage shift.  Conclusion – I don’t think that ’60s mod shapes really flatter my ‘1890s fat-lady frame.

Still, it’s Missoni, so suck it.

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March 26, 2013

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I refuse to believe that the weather is still this cold.  Enter, salmon-pink skirt, who screams to everyone from my nether-regions: “SPRINGSPRINGSPRING”.  Also, it screams “IEATMANYCROISSANTS.”

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March 7, 2013

The most important thing about finding good vintage items is knowing your body type.  I have an “old lady” body type, which basically means I have a small waist and big other things… This vintage dress is a perfect match to my old ladyness – it nips in at the waist and the rest of it is like some big mu mu that camouflages the rest of my horrible old lady body.

In other news, this is the first time that I’ve worn my burgundy 70’s boots because every time I put them on I feel like I look like Wonder Woman, and not in a good way.  With the black it seemed acceptable.

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March 6, 2013

The problem with being near Holt Renfrew for a work meeting is that you decide to walk into Holt Renfrew and then you see things on super-sale that fit your body like a sex-glove and you convince yourself that you have to have them.

Such is the case with this dress.

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