I am not a baby person but I have no opposition to babies draped in puppies. MORE HERE.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I feel/am very uninteresting lately. Every morning I think to myself ”Do I have something interesting to share with people in an online format?” and similarly, every morning I think to myself “No. No I do not.”
But Molly doesn’t care – she give me stinky kisses regardless of my ability to wax philosophical-slash-make people interested in me.
As long as she has her gross old Green Ball and she has access to a sun beam, preferably both, I am the best/most interesting person on Earth.
In an attempt to keep my brain churning, I am at least working on a few projects to be revealed soon. This one might be familiar if you follow the blog… another huge Slatty creation that is going up in a very special place. This one will be for SALE, so if you want a huge Slatty Map, but don’t want to put in the MULTIPLE HOURS of back-breaking labour into making one (trust me, I forgot how much work goes into it…), you can buy it. Willing to hear what you are willing to pay so that I can price it. May I suggest THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS of dollars in pure gold? Feel free to pay that.
In other news, I am starting to plan for the garden much earlier this year, because now at least I have an inkling of what’s hiding under there. Look at my damn-ass beautiful field of Crocuses. I know. It’s like I’m the Crocus Whisperer.
I have grandiose plans of buying annuals and actually planting window boxes and shit like a retired woman in Austria. I imagine that is what retired women in Austria do – just spend the year planning out the window boxes to hang from their Austrian ski chalets and shit.
Finally, since I am a crazy person, I also have a whole other project in the works. I haven’t really tested everything yet, but basically, it will be awesome. TYPOGRAPHY! CANADIANA! WOOD! All of the things that go into awesomeness will be present. Stay tuned.
Molly is FOUR years old today! Seems like yesterday she was a little runt puppy being picked on and pushed around by her brothers and sisters because she was too small to stand up:
I am so grateful that I have been chosen to be her person-mom and play-friend. Even though she stinks sometimes and always looks worried and is constantly eating like, pieces of tin foil off the ground and then I have to stick my finger in her mouth and dig around to pull out the piece of tin foil, I love her more than anything.
Many items have been occurring that I have not been telling you about. Mostly because I’ve been working like 70 hour weeks and want to shoot myself in the face most nights. However, I think work might start to pull back a little bit, so I wanted to keep you abreast of happenings and items and things.
- My best friend in the whole world got engaged to the best guy ever. Most amazing. They are also working on something really exciting for the spring, which I will definitely be telling you about;
- The weather has been up and down like a crazy person lately. Bad news is that you’ll go to bed one night to a balmy 8 degrees, and wake up the next morning to a foot of snow. GOOD news is that you’ll go to bed with a foot of snow and wake up to an 18 degree Saturday. Fence-cat enjoys these days.
- The quick freezes also led to some cool frozen skeleton-flowers. Here is a skeleton flower.
- Here is another skeleton flower hydrangea. I kind of like it A LOT.
- I had to go out to a “club” this Saturday (like a CLUB-club), and at first I wanted to wear this weird curtain-y hippie mini-dress with Shakespeare sleeves to be all weird and different and hippie-ish.
- This is what that dress is supposed to look like on someone who isn’t awful-looking.
- Here is what I actually looked like. I did not wear the dress due to self-hatred.
- Part of the trip to the “club” was a ride on a Party Bus. I sat back and watched other people bust a crazy move.
- Trav decided to be amazing and wore a shirt that lights up when music plays.
- The Party Bus was a huge ridiculous escapade that included having to jump another Party Bus whose battery had died, and sitting at Queen and Dovercourt for 45 minutes while everyone went to the bus washroom. Here is the sign in the bus washroom. In retrospect, I’m pretty sure I put tissues in the toilet.
- I got *really* drunk. The next morning I spent 100% of my time snoozing with my love.
- IMPORTANT DISCOVERY: FRENCH ONION SOUP IS THE MOST AMAZING THING THAT WAS EVER CREATED. I made this f-ing amazing soup with garlic toasts and Provolone and Gruyere and caramelized onions… I pity you for not having tasted it.
- My vintage shopping has been on the back burner lately, but I managed to procure a CHANEL SUIT like a fucking BALLER. It’s about fifteen pounds too small for me, so I have to lose fifteen pounds basically.
- I have been drinking too much.
- On that note, if you haven’t tried this wine from California you are missing out. It’s like 15 bucks and it’s AMAZING.
- On that note again, Bellwoods‘ retail hours has expanded so now I have a constant stream of big Bellwoods bottles in my fridge.
Who likes pictures? IT BETTER BE YOU. Because I took a lot.
Left Oktoberfest the morning after our third day of getting “piss your pants” drunk en route for Vienna. The plan was to stop over in Vienna before heading to Prague for a couple of days, but I soon realized that we literally had 48 hours in Vienna and had to PACK IT IN like packing fucking nuts into the mouth of a squirrel… as it were.
I managed to find a fantastic boutique hotel that was adequately fancy for my “high-falouten” tastes, while staying within the range of my “dead-beat loser” budget. LOOK AT THE DUCK-LEGS LAMP. That is all I have to say about that.
Headed to a restaurant called Gigerl for dinner. Just so you know, if you go to this place, you should get the like “taster” dinner or whatever the fuck it was, because you get like a three course meal for about like, fifteen dollars, and you can pack your face like nuts into the mouth of a squirrel.
Yeah whatever, spinach pastries and cheese paste. Cheese paste is like 60% of every European’s diet.
SPEAKING OF CHEESE… in Europe, they have this stuff called sweet cheese strudel.
IT IS THE BEST THING ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH AND YOU SHOULD EAT AS MUCH OF IT AS POSSIBLE. NUTS –> MOUTH OF SQUIRREL.
Next morning, I was pleased to find that the “complimentary breakfast” at the “high-falouten” hotel I was staying out was basically a luxury buffet with like, mason jars of yogurt and organic granola and like, sea salt butter patties tied in brown kraft paper with twine bows and shit like that.
I was NOT SO PLEASED to find that the “complimentary breakfast” was, actually NOT a complimentary breakfast, and I had to pay 30 Euro for a mason jar of fucking yogurt.
Anyways, once I got over that fiduciary hurdle, I busted out onto the city. I ONLY HAD 48 HOURS, so I had to do some jam-packery, stat. Not unlike jam-packing nuts into the mouth of a squirrel, etc.
Here is the first of about A BILLION churches that I saw. I *think* this was St. Stephen’s Cathedral, that big ol’ main church right smack dab in tourist town. Pretty nice. Pretty nice indeed.
Arty-est photo-taker ever.
Now, the second component of the plan was to “hook up” with a “walking tour” in order to see as much of the city as possible in the morning, then decide what to focus on in the afternoon.
You would *think* that would be easy to find, you know, in a HUGE TOURIST CAPITAL in Europe. HA HA HA. Nope. Walked around St. Stephen’s square for about an hour… there were tons of guys wearing ornate old Mozart “capelets”, who were trying to convince me to watch the Mozart Symphony… but no walking tours.
So the strategy was to walk around aimlessly. Here are some arty “walking around aimlessly” photos:
Although they are nostalgic and cute… I actually felt really bad for the horses lined up for the carriages.
Alright. Time to get my shit together. With no walking tour, we decided to actually set a destination and go to Naschmarket, an open-air market with like CHEESE CHEESE AND MORE CHEESE. So basically, a Natalie paradise.
…well, cheese and mutant fruit. Zucker Melonens and Jack Frucht!
At about 2 we finally stumbled upon a walking tour. It was good. I guess. Meh. A little Natalie tip – if you have the choice, get a tour that does not have multiple languages in it, because you have to wait for them to talk in the other languages and shit and it’s TORTUROUS and you keep thinking “… that fucking German explanation was DEFINITELY a minute longer than the English one… I’m getting SCREWED here.”. It’s very distracting.
Here is a building.
Weathered guy on horse.
SO many outdoor cafes. Even more than Toronto in the summer, which is A LOT. AND they were all full, all the time. I mean, do people have jobs in Vienna or what?
Here is a cascading sunbeam through a perfect tree onto a park with wonderful people enjoying life.
Here is some chick being stupid.
THEN, I went to the Schmetterling House, which is German for BUTTERFLY HOUSE. WHAT?
BUTTERFLY HOUSE? Yes. Butterfly House.
Except saying Schmetterling House is BETTER in every way. SCHMETTERLING HOUSE!
Seems like a Schmetterling House would be like, a beautiful paradise of schmetterlings all schmetterling-ing around. And there WERE a large number of schmetterlings…
…however, little known fact is that schmetterling houses are like 150 DEGREES and about 400% humidity. I’m pretty sure I sweated out every drop of beer I drank in Germany. My camera started getting all foggy with schmetterling fog.
Also, most of the schmetterlings are like comotose, floating in pools of apple juice provided by the schmetterling house professionals in the searing humid heat. Not as romantic as you would imagine.
Back to aimless walking photos.
I must admit even I am impressed with my continuous arty-ness.
The day came to a close and I was so tired from my walking around that all I wanted was to collapse. But I forced myself out for some delicious food – french onion soup and steak tartare at a place called Specht.
HEY DID YOU KNOW THAT IN EUROPE YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BRING DOGS INTO RESTAURANTS? It’s true. It’s so true. It’s so true that my brain exploded with happiness. This dog was just like, hanging out licking his lips, bein’ awesome.
Next morning before leaving on the 11:00 am train, the objective was to go see the Lipizzaner Horses… they train for ten years to be like, “Super Horses”, and every morning they walk from their fancy stables to their fancy training arena and I wanted to see them real bad.
However, I needed to get some breakfast first.
Oh, whatever, here is a super adorable outdoor fall market tucked away in Vienna with like, no one here but you.
And they sell sweet cheese strudel.
Here is the only acceptable shot I got of the Lipizzaners. And a cat just chillin’ out.
After that we had to run to the train to head to beautiful Prague. Sorry this was quasi-boring and very picture-heavy… I’m getting boring in my old age. Boring and fat mostly.
…I’ve been so distant lately. My world is exploding at work. Here is a present to ask for your forgiveness:
- Friday night I got drunk by myself and watched “This Movie is Broken“, which is actually pretty awesome, except for the end where things kind of don’t make sense. DO they get together? DOES that guy do the deed with that other guy, or do they just make-out nude? Ah, the mysteries of life.
- Because I got drunk by myself I felt the need to take a “Sneaky Selfie”. My eyeball looks all deform-y.
- Heel Boy still has a bunch of summer stuff on sale and I saw these HA-UGE platforms from Dolce Vita on sale for $60 from $250. Suede? Browny-poo colour? Perfect fall-transition shoe, I say.
- On Saturday I spent LOTS of time listening to records while wearing my favourite boots in the dark drinking beer…
- …here is my view up after I drank three beers and laid down on the carpet like a bum.
- I also met Lauren for beers at Rhino and wore my wonderfully fantastical new hat. I am so pretentious with my hipster Indiana Jones hat, and yet, I care none.
- Saturday night. More beers at Grand Electric, where I gorged myself….
- …but not so much that I couldn’t stuff my face with Honey Nut Cheerios, which I did when I arrived at home.
- Speaking of food, dinner on Sunday was Morroccan Lamb Stew with apricots and sweet potatoes. JEALOUS MUCH?
- Holiday Monday I took Molly to TB.
- Here she is begging for treats in front of Clafouti.
- Here she is sniffing the butt of a huge dog.
That is all.
This is a picture of a rainbow, taken while trying to avoid a frizzy hair explosion due to rain in the awning of Parts and Labour. Note, my hair-shielding attempts were unsuccessful and my hair turned into a lion-mane the likes of which you have never seen.
My friends were generous enough to comment that my “natural” hair looked “good” when I met them for drinks, but I think we all know that my appearance was bordering on crazy, and not the good kind of “crazy because it means I’m interesting” crazy, but “crazy because it means I might try to bite you” crazy.
Regardless, it was wonderful to be out (AT NIGHT!) with a bunch of some of my favourite people. We went to 416 Snack Bar, which was amazing.
Here is Sarah making the “put it in the hole” motion:
Yes, it was funny.
Aidan tried a duckface reprise.
We ended up staying out late (!) as if I was young again. We tried to go to Get Well but there was a gross-ass line up outside, and, as expressed several times while pondering our course of action, ”We’re not fucking twenty year-olds so we don’t wait in fucking lines to go in bars. FUCK!” Hopefully I’ll have another wave of good luck and I’ll be able to go out at night with my friends at least one within the next several years and we can go into a bar (!).
Below you can see the remnants of my lion mane, except this time it is very strategically covered by my new Brixton hat, which I love more than one should really love an inanimate object. Even though hats can be kind of (read: REALLY) pretentious, and even though this hat is pretty much a 9 or a 10 on the pretentiousness scale, I love it and would wear it to bed and to work and in the shower if that were socially acceptable and/or logistically possible.
In other news, remember last fall when I basically mutilated my garden due to extreme lack of knowledge and/or extreme lack of motivation to find said knowledge?
Well, back then I totally KILLED this huge plant with mystery flower bulbs all over it (or, as I put it, “HACKED at the roots like an insane pirate for about 10 minutes”) because I didn’t know what it was, and rather than taking the time to find out like a normal adult person with a garden, I just fucking destroyed it.
Well, it came back! And surprise, it’s clearly an expensive and beautiful flower tree-thing.
YEAH, NO BIG DEAL, just the most beautiful flowers you’ve ever seen. I’m sure it would have been 10 times more bushy and beautiful if I didn’t mutilate it last year, but at least now I know to leave it be.
Please take a close look at the insect above and tell me what it is. You would THINK that it’s a moth or something, but it has fucking freakish striped legs and it ACTUALLY HAS FUR on its back (zoom in if you don’t believe me). It has been hanging out beside my door, about 2 inches away from my doorbell, for the last week and I’m pretty sure it’s some kind of genetically modified moth/ghost/snow leopard that is plotting ways to burrow into my brain and feast on the delicious skull innards.
I’m pretty sure that Molly is really disappointed in me as a mother because I don’t play with her constantly all day and all night and she’s starting to just treat this gross green ball with stinky dirt all over it as my replacement. She is literally either licking it, chewing it, hugging it, or chasing after it 24 hours a day, and she appears much happier with the dirty ball pressed up against her smush-face than when I try to snuggle or kiss her. One time I think I got subconsciously jealous and I accidentally threw the ball over the fence, but the next door neighbour who is super nice and actually surprisingly cute found it in the alleyway a week later and he left it in front of my door. Molly was so happy when she saw it again that it hasn’t left her side since.
Due to extreme jealousy, I am considering throwing the ball over the fence.